Episode 202 - Mystery Maniacs - Poirot - "The Incredible Theft" - Fungus Hat, Blancmange and A Car Chase!
It's pornified, Poirot. Yes.
Sarah:Hey, Maniacs.
Mark:Hey, Mystery Maniacs. Yes. Mystery Maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of a show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love. This week, Poirot, the incredible theft.
Mark:And I'm gonna get it out of the way right now. Is it really an incredible theft? No. No. And there's no murder.
Mark:Season 1 episode 8. I'm Mark. I'm Sarah. If you first of all, a spoiler podcast, so we're gonna let you know that there's no murders in this episode. Yeah.
Mark:It's not really a crime, and they kinda get away with it.
Sarah:Yeah. But it's still a really good episode.
Mark:But it's a great episode.
Sarah:But we are gonna ruin it for you. So if you haven't seen the incredible theft, stop. Go watch it. Come back.
Mark:From February 26th 1989, the Berlin Wall was
Sarah:still hot. Before we dive in, a few announcements including next Sunday April 28th. 4 PM Eastern Standard Time. Tea with the maniacs.
Mark:With the maniacs.
Sarah:It's our
Mark:sipping tea and dishin' tea.
Sarah:It's our celebration of having 200 episodes under our belt. We hope you'll keep sending good questions. We've got lots.
Mark:We have lots of questions.
Sarah:But Always room for more.
Mark:Sending them in.
Sarah:Yep. That'll be live on YouTube. You'll be able to watch it. At 4 o'clock. Participate in the chat, and it'll be recorded.
Sarah:So if you can't make it, you can watch it later.
Mark:So what else happened this week? You saw a goblin.
Sarah:I did. I I'm still we're joking, but I'm still kind of weirded out by him.
Mark:Was it cultural too?
Sarah:Middle of the day, four way stop in the middle of a neighborhood. Car pulls up to go straight. I'm gonna turn. So we look at each other to see who's gonna go first. It's a little black hatchback, tiny car.
Sarah:This person who's driving it, their nose barely hit the bottom of the window on the door. So, a very small person wearing a black hood of some sort, like a hoodie Yep. Looks over at me and has a green face. The strangest green face I have ever seen Now and then just goes straight. And I'm like, wait, goblin.
Sarah:Wait.
Mark:We live in a college town, so things can get weird.
Sarah:If it was Halloween, if it was late at night Something. If it even if it was a weekend, it was a Tuesday at lunchtime. I saw a goblin driving a Honda Yaris.
Mark:Excellent.
Sarah:I I don't know. I can't explain it. Maybe I'm losing my mind. Oh, also this week, one of our kids, the middle child, got accepted to grad school for a master's in psych. I'm really excited for her.
Mark:Super cool.
Sarah:She's gonna be going to a place where I got my master's, both of my parents graduated from, and her dad graduated from.
Mark:There you go.
Sarah:It's amazing. Yes. But there's so much to figure out. This kid can't even drive.
Mark:Yeah. Well, we have a summer of it's time to grow up. Yes.
Sarah:Congratulations. You graduated from college. Time to be a grown up.
Mark:Yep. Another thing is the, episode of the black tree prophecy.
Sarah:The mid summer finally out in the UK.
Mark:And then they're not showing anymore.
Sarah:I don't know what their problem is.
Mark:Do not know what they're doing. But now we have a whole bunch of new people who are now indoctrinated in the way of the plague
Sarah:baby. Yes. The plague baby who spends its time just hanging out in a car and then grows up to be a killer. Yeah. Who would win in a battle?
Sarah:Plague baby or cultural? I think Cole Troll is winning because I don't think Plague Baby's plague is gonna infect the troll.
Mark:Oh, yeah. I think so.
Sarah:Troll is immune to Plague Baby's plague.
Mark:I posted another one of those videos that was, like, this is what Sarah and Mark are watching because we're cool folks. Not because we're cool. I know. I that was sarcastic.
Sarah:Oh, okay. Because if we share what we're watching, other people reply like you with what you're watching.
Mark:And Now wait a minute. That might build community. Hey. What are we doing here?
Sarah:We finished this week, the man who died Yes. On Acorn.
Mark:So it's 2022 miniseries from Finland
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:With a young man named Yossi Vitanin in the lead.
Sarah:I wasn't sure about it in the first episode, and then by the end of it, though, I was hooked. It was and I don't usually like to watch foreign language shows that don't have dubbing. I don't like to have to read the subtitles to watch something because I'm always doing something while I'm watching TV. Right now, it's English paper piecing quilting. Yes.
Sarah:And so I can't look at that and look at what's in my hands at the same time, but this was engaging enough I didn't care.
Mark:And and and it is a detective show, a comedy, a fish out of water, a small town, a gangster show, a love story Yep. And kind of a foodie thing with samurai swords.
Sarah:Yes. In Finland all at once. It's really fun. The premise is crazy.
Mark:And it's only 4 episodes. They there's no
Sarah:No. Fact on the show. The man who is solving the murder is the one who has been murdered. And He's not a ghost.
Mark:Every single thing is wrapped up completely really well.
Sarah:Yeah. Highly recommend. And and 4 and a half stars out of 5.
Mark:And a life lesson
Sarah:Yeah. At the end of it. Beware of mushrooms.
Mark:Well, I've been saying that for years.
Sarah:But You don't like mushrooms? No. I made stroganoff this weekend. You wouldn't even eat it. I don't like mushrooms.
Sarah:That's the first time I've made something that you just refuse to
Mark:eat. Sorry.
Sarah:You usually just kinda suck it up and
Mark:The beef. But,
Sarah:sorry. Your loss. Don't like mushrooms. You ready to talk about the incredible theft?
Mark:So directed by Edward Bennett and written by David Reid and Clive Exton. And sometimes you see a show and you're like, oh, there's 2 writers. How does that work? Well, I think it's pretty clear that one guy wrote one scene and another guy wrote some other scenes.
Sarah:One of them is funny Yes. And the other one is not.
Mark:David Reed is more of a producer than he is a writer. He's done a lot more production work than he has, writing work. So I think he was probably like, you need to tell a story that's connected here. And Clive Exton, who's written a 1000000000 things, probably was like, but these are clever little vignettes with Poirot in them.
Sarah:It has some of the best dialogue from any Poirot episode. And Yes. So many moments where I just, like, pause to laugh because I didn't wanna miss anything. And I've seen it at least 5 times before.
Mark:And you spend this episode going, oh, this is the episode that has that in.
Sarah:Yeah. Like, oh, yeah. I remember that now. I didn't remember it was in this episode.
Mark:And we made fun that missus Van der Ley, who is an American played by a British lady, is over the top and annoying. I didn't find her as over the top and annoying because I realized she's not in it all that much.
Sarah:No. She's actually kinda subtle.
Mark:You actually kind of feel sorry for her until she's with the Nazis. Yes.
Sarah:She is a Nazi. It's Van der Linde, not Van der Lee. Van der Lee.
Mark:Van der Lee.
Sarah:Yes. Her lips are thinner than I remember. She's kinda puckery.
Mark:That dress. Well, we'll talk about that dress.
Sarah:Yeah. We will. Because it is key to the crime Yes. In a way that you don't know about yet.
Mark:I don't know.
Sarah:This is set in the thirties. Of course, we're between the wars. So the development of new weapons, knowing that there's probably gonna be another war coming, is really important. So, of course, this centers around the plans for a new battle plane.
Mark:But more importantly, in the cold opening, we have a gay music department. We need Poirot theme, but different.
Sarah:Yes. Make it sound more airplane y.
Mark:Play it on a detuned piano.
Sarah:Yeah. We meet Mayfield Yes. Who is the man who is developing the plane, and sir George Carrington who represents the government. Yes. There to decide whether they're gonna invest
Mark:in the airplane. Another individual. But boy, did you notice there's the guy who comes up and and puts the gas in the plane? He is overjoyed that he is doing this.
Sarah:Yes. He's like, yay. I get to put gas in the plane.
Mark:They are all obviously reenactors
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:Of, like, aerial reenactors, which is a thing that there is.
Sarah:Yeah.
Mark:And they're so happy to be doing this.
Sarah:It's a beautiful plane.
Mark:That it is a beautiful plane. It is a actually, they talk about it, but this plane is actually a Spitfire. Yes. It's a IXBMH 4 34 and was flown by Ray Hanna.
Sarah:Go, Ray.
Mark:Go, Ray. He's doing spills.
Sarah:Loopy loops
Mark:and Loopy loops
Sarah:and all sorts of Yep. It's kind of a joke that they call it the kestrel because the Spitfire was originally called the shrike Yeah. Which is another kind of bird. Yeah. And the guy who invented the Spitfire thought the Spitfire was a dumb name.
Sarah:He wanted it to be called the shrike. Yes. Kestrel's a kind of hawk, often used for hunting.
Mark:But more importantly, Poirot is shining his shoes. So we get this inner cut in the in the, cold opening between the plain stuff, which we know is important. Yeah. And Poirot's office. Office.
Sarah:It's one of those situations where he's treating Hastings like he's a child. Like, he's like a young teenager. Like, I'm trying to teach you how to take care of your shoes. This is gonna be important later. Like, this man has fought in wars.
Sarah:If he can't take care of his shoes by now, he doesn't want to. Yes. But then, he reveals that he's basically dating somebody's mother. Yes. And and he's too stupid to know it.
Sarah:So maybe, he does need life lessons.
Mark:Can can I suggest a life lesson for for Hastings? What? You should not put your shoes on furniture.
Sarah:Apparently, doesn't care. You'd think I think he would. Oh. I think that would bother him a lot.
Mark:And I love how so the idea is that Hastings is dating this woman. He goes to her house constantly, which most Americans would be like, what do you mean he goes to her house?
Sarah:Yeah. She's never there.
Mark:She's never there, so he has tea with her mother. And the implication is that he's basically dating her his mother.
Sarah:He doesn't want to be, but because she's avoiding him.
Mark:But Poirot is like, oh, you don't know anything about the women.
Sarah:Well, and she's an architecture student.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:And so Hastings is trying to figure out some way to connect with her, and he says, how do you calculate the cubit cubit whatchamacallit? The, you know, the cubic thingies. You think that's gonna impress her?
Mark:He would have gone to school. He would have he would have understood that. And especially if you read an entire book on Bernini, I think you would get that.
Sarah:Bernini, the 17th century sculptor and architect from Rome Yes. Who did a lot of sculptures
Mark:Created that whole new musical renaissance.
Sarah:Yeah. That everybody has seen. There's, a pencil sketch, a framed pencil sketch on Poirot's wall Yes. That's behind him while he is talking to Hastings Polishing his shoes, and I can't figure out what it is. It's people.
Mark:It's people.
Sarah:But I don't know what they're doing.
Mark:It looks like a woman with no shirt on from the back and pants. But But then
Sarah:it can't be. And what is she doing?
Mark:Like a woman in a kimono. It's it's very hard.
Sarah:We're gonna post a picture. If anybody recognizes it or knows what it is, please tell us because I looked and looked and looked at it, and I could not figure it out. Poirot's putting petroleum jelly on his patents, which is fine.
Mark:Which absolutely fine. It's a it's it's not the best thing. There's lots of better things now, but would have totally
Sarah:It keeps some time cracking.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Right? Which is the death of patent leather, but his spats are still attached to his shoes, and I don't understand why.
Mark:I also don't think Poirot would do this standing up. He would be at a table sitting, doing this.
Sarah:I don't know. So I looked into spats and shoes. I'm I'm assuming people are familiar with what spats are. They're those it's a fabric, bit that goes, like, around your ankle and down over the top of your shoes and has buttons up one side. It protects your shoes and your ankles.
Sarah:They're, they're fancy and yet they're also utilitarian because soldiers at the time wore spats over their boots too.
Mark:They're a weird sock pant hybrid.
Sarah:Yes. They are. They fill the gap between the bottom the hem of your pants and the top of your shoes.
Mark:Well, and it's it's world war 1 soldiers, especially war spats because trench warfare and
Sarah:Kept your feet dry. Kept your
Mark:feet dry and all that good stuff.
Sarah:And it also, was a way of cinching in the bottom of your pants.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Right? It closes the bottom. If you wear them over your trousers and your boots, it cinches them in.
Mark:He he should not be doing what he's doing with the spats on. So
Sarah:I looked into them. And do you know what saddle Oxfords are?
Mark:So saddle Oxfords Oxford is a type of patent leather men's shoes that,
Sarah:But saddle Oxfords are a very specific kind.
Mark:So saddle Oxfords then I think no. I don't know what exactly. I thought I did.
Sarah:All you had to do is say no.
Mark:I know what brogues are. I know what oxfords are, but I don't know what saddle
Sarah:Saddle oxfords, you've seen them. They're the ones that have a black toe and a black heel, but the center part where the laces are is white. Okay. So they're black and white.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:They they originate from spats. They're made to to kind of imitate the look of spats over black shoes.
Mark:That makes sense.
Sarah:So why do fifties girls, poodle skirt skirt wearers love saddle Oxfords?
Mark:I don't know. But those
Sarah:I don't get the connection there. Yeah. Like, 20 years later, the spat look is is hot with teeny boppers. Who do you think orders more spats right now? Who what kind of consumer do you think is the greatest consumer of spats?
Mark:The most esoteric
Sarah:At the moment. That we've ever seen. Amazing. It's when I tell you, you're gonna be like, of course. The Indian Army.
Sarah:No. You want one more guess? Yeah. I'll narrow it down. In the US, who do you think buys the most spats?
Sarah:Someone on Broadway. No. Way more than that. Thousands of people order spats every year in the US. Marching bands.
Mark:Oh, yes.
Sarah:They are Yes. The biggest consumer of spats.
Mark:For those of the people in the rest of the world, marching bands is this thing that They have marching bands. No. No. No. No.
Mark:Not like it is here. So every high school in in even the smallest town have fully costumed marching bands.
Sarah:Yes. And it's kinda paramilitary type of, like, dress uniform costume kinda. Yes. It's sports for geeks. Do too.
Mark:It's sports for geeks in high school.
Sarah:Yeah. Because they play during football games and stuff, but they also compete.
Mark:But they march, and it's so weird. And they wear and they wear spats. The whole high school and college sports and the world surrounding it in the US is something I haven't got used to, and I've been here 25 years.
Sarah:But now you know. Yep. That's a good
Mark:That makes sense.
Sarah:That's a good piece of pub quiz trivia. Who orders the most spats in the United States?
Mark:Oh, but Poirot is not done yet. His his wit.
Sarah:Miss Lemon is getting anonymous phone calls. I just want miss Lemon to pick up the phone here.
Mark:That's not an anonymous
Sarah:phone call. Sure it is. I mean, it's a different kind.
Mark:You mean 666666?
Sarah:Across her forehead? Yeah. I respect girls.
Mark:She's got the spit curls going.
Sarah:She's double evil. Somebody's calling and won't give a name, and she's she's not off put by somebody's in distress and won't give me their name. It's I can't possibly send you forward this call to you because where will I file it?
Mark:Life first, filing second will be the name of a chapter in my productivity book when I write it.
Sarah:She's obsessive with her filing system. She says, well, on your own head, be it. I'll forward the call to you next time she calls. But
Mark:And and thankfully, Hastings is like,
Sarah:Stop teasing her.
Mark:She makes it irresistible. I just I
Sarah:now she's saying she's miss Smith, but I'm sure it's her. Poor miss Lemon.
Mark:Wow. Giant explosion.
Sarah:Well, it's 2 square feet of molten lead.
Mark:It's it's an impressive explosion, though. It is. They they do a good job.
Sarah:And I'm I'm glad they're far enough away from it. It initially, it feels like are they in danger?
Mark:Yep. By the way, I invited a Nazi over for there.
Sarah:I'll show I'll show you how trustworthy I am. I invited a Nazi to my house. And I'm gonna have the secret valuable plans just laying about. See? I'm trustworthy.
Mark:I'm trustworthy.
Sarah:What? What? It's kind of backwards.
Mark:Meet me at the zoo. Where are we gonna meet at the zoo? At the most art deco zoo ever?
Sarah:At the at the pen.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:The I mean, the penguin pen. The penguin pool is But it looks stale. It look like a little Poirot. They're so cute.
Mark:The the art deco in this episode, the doors that missus Lemon opens Mhmm. The cards they play with are all beautiful.
Sarah:But the penguin pool tops it.
Mark:Those letters It's gorgeous. Gorgeous.
Sarah:And the penguins are so cute.
Mark:Yes. You were supposed to wear a green carnation.
Sarah:Well, she's too busy wearing times. She's too busy wearing a fungus hat.
Mark:What is that fungus hat?
Sarah:It's like a brown hat.
Mark:Do not want that hat in my stroganoff.
Sarah:Tip to a decide with a thing growing on it.
Mark:Yeah. It's
Sarah:weird. It was any other color, I I would think that's kinda cool. But it's brown, so it looks like a growth.
Mark:So they talk in, like, this aviary area Mhmm. Which is gorgeous. Yeah. Again, the Kookaburra board is fantastic. He's like, I'm in every show.
Mark:But, like, they're talking, and I'm like, I don't care. I'm looking around at everything because it's so beautiful there.
Sarah:Look out. There's a fungus on your head. It's it's like it's like it's like grabbing her head.
Mark:I don't do domestics.
Sarah:It's like groping the side of her head.
Mark:So she was involved with this dude and tanks and all sorts of things. And my husband and the Japanese business, help me. Help me. Help me.
Sarah:And he's
Mark:like, okay. Sudden, teleported Poirot and and Hastings. They're just there.
Sarah:Like, you want me to come to a country house for the weekend to solve a crime? I'm on it.
Mark:Yes. Steeple Bumstead. They talk about
Sarah:We already barfats.
Mark:Yep. We we Steeple Bumstead. I did some research.
Sarah:Wow. It's a fun thing to say.
Mark:It is.
Sarah:It's like it's like, what's the name of that the singer that, oh, the comedian makes fun of
Mark:his name. Engelbert Humperdinck.
Sarah:Yes. It's like Engelbert Humperdinck.
Mark:Well, I'm gonna challenge
Sarah:you. Steeplebumstead.
Mark:Because we may not find a better place for us to immigrate and live to in England.
Sarah:Oh, you wanna go live in steeple bumstead?
Mark:It is the perfect British village.
Sarah:But I'll giggle all the time.
Mark:It has tell me what the name of the pub is.
Sarah:The 3 crowns.
Mark:No. The fox and hounds.
Sarah:Of course, it is.
Mark:It is the quintessential village.
Sarah:I wonder if anybody who's listening has ever been to Stifel Bumstead.
Mark:The only problem I found with this village was the fact that it was a 10 minute drive to the nearest train station.
Sarah:10 minutes?
Mark:I know. Oh my gosh. In in 2 hours, you're in downtown London from there. Nice. Like yeah.
Sarah:And you get to say, I live in steeplebumstead.
Mark:I live
Sarah:in steeplebumstead. Upper steeplebumpstead.
Mark:So then I looked
Sarah:I looked Lower steeplebumpstead.
Mark:No. It's just steeplebumpstead.
Sarah:Middle steeplebumpstead.
Mark:I looked then at houses in steeplebumpstead.
Sarah:I'm assuming it's quite expensive.
Mark:We cannot afford to live
Sarah:in steeplebumpstead. We'll go stay we'll go stay in a ditch in steeple bumpstead.
Mark:The cheapest cottage which was a duplex. Mhmm. The cheapest.
Sarah:That's semi detached.
Mark:Yes. Semi detached. 650 k. It was gorgeous on the inside.
Sarah:Yeah. But you gotta share a wall with somebody.
Mark:To live there.
Sarah:Maybe we should park our canal boat there.
Mark:They had an amazing backyard that ran up to the canal. I'll get to the canal.
Sarah:I bet you there's archaeology in that backyard.
Mark:I'm sure there is. I looked at that house for a good 20 minutes imagining living there
Sarah:with you. Such UK fascists. I bet you the council tax is really high, and the neighbors are mean, and there's a murder there every week.
Mark:But it's
Sarah:And why don't we live there now?
Mark:But it's so British. It's so British. Very British. The manor house got blown up. They destroyed it in, like, the forties.
Sarah:It didn't get blown up. It got demolished.
Mark:It got demolished.
Sarah:That's different.
Mark:Yes. So it's not the manor house in this episode, of course.
Sarah:If our house blew up versus got demolished, I have very different feelings about it.
Mark:That's true.
Sarah:So anyway I mean, neither would be positive, but
Mark:Missus Vanderlay
Sarah:appears. Vanderlyn.
Mark:Missus Vanderlyn appears.
Sarah:At the drinks reception Yes. In that dress.
Mark:Yes. So first of all, it's backless.
Sarah:You can almost see her butt crack. Speaking about steamble steepleback bumble butt. It They're like, she's got the steepleback bumble butt going on in that dress.
Mark:It is like that dress is perfect for that character.
Sarah:Yeah. It is. It's super flashy. We can only assume that she's arrived, gone to her room, and changed Yes. Because when, Lady Carrington arrives, she says, is it okay if I don't change?
Mark:Yeah. She's right to the booze. Because she
Sarah:doesn't wanna dress for dinner.
Mark:The booze and the cards. That's lady character.
Sarah:I think it's also an American thing too that we overdress for things. So she's overly flashy
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Instead of being sophisticated. Yes. All I know is that her dress looks like it's made out of aluminum foil. Yes. It does.
Sarah:It's it's And you can see her steepleback bumble butt in it.
Mark:In a poor woman who's had to wear some bad clothes, especially in the man with golden gun, this is probably the most luxurious thing she's ever wore.
Sarah:I'm not sure how to say this actress's name. It's Carmen Du Satoy. Yeah. S a u t o y. She was also in Ring Out Your Dead, which is season 5 of Midsummer.
Mark:Yeah. She's English. Very English. She's very
Sarah:English. She's very Nazi is what she is.
Mark:She is indeed. Very Nazi. You're
Sarah:so Nazi. So very Nazi.
Mark:So after dinner where they discuss, I mean,
Sarah:Not that eighties band. They play cards. Mhmm. And
Mark:Briggs. The the two things that I find interesting here, first of all, are that they do a good job of making her charming to Poirot.
Sarah:She's a name dropper, though.
Mark:Oh, she is.
Sarah:At dinner. Yeah. Well, when I was with the prime minister yesterday
Mark:Yes. Mister Ed Eden, the former the foreign secretary.
Sarah:There's a little bit of anachronism going on there. They Yeah. Talk like Churchill is the prime minister, I think, in Eden. Yeah.
Mark:It's it's a little weird.
Sarah:But she's like, I'm very important. I'm very connected. Just want everybody to know.
Mark:And then those cards that they play bridge with are beautiful.
Sarah:I didn't really pay attention to them.
Mark:They're ready. Absolute. They're black and gold with this art deco design on the back. Nice. Just gorgeous.
Mark:Missus Carrington is not the best card player and also blames Poirot,
Sarah:who
Mark:is the best card
Sarah:player. A very good card player. When in the other episode where they're playing cards and he's paired with Ariadne, she's it's clear that he is good at well, he doesn't do anything he's not good at.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:I'll go lay out the secret plans on your desk, sir.
Mark:With a fan right beside them.
Sarah:I've seen this episode 5, 6 times. I don't know. And every time, I think it hasn't been stolen. It was blown off the the desk. It's hiding under the cabinet.
Sarah:Somebody find it.
Mark:Meanwhile
Sarah:Every single time, I think this is all red herring. It just blew off the desk.
Mark:The sound guy's like, what what do you mean a fan?
Sarah:Why do we have to have that fan running?
Mark:Have a fan.
Sarah:There's nobody sitting at the desk who needs the fan. Why is it running? No. There's paper there. Why do we want a fan
Mark:blowing on it? So Poirot says he needs to get some air and exercise his legs and whatever he says he is, but Spy.
Sarah:He's off
Mark:to meet with Hastings.
Sarah:Poor Hastings.
Mark:Hastings is the hero of this episode.
Sarah:He absolutely is. He's he's just sitting out in the garden in the dark waiting for Poirot to
Mark:come out. Waiting for Poirot.
Sarah:He's been talking It I just feels he's like, well, why can't I stay in the house? And Poirot says you weren't invited, and he goes, well, surely that was an oversight.
Mark:Which it would have been. Everybody would have known captain Haestel.
Sarah:No. I need you at the inn in town. But there was only one room, and I have to share a bed with Jack.
Mark:They are an hour from London. Why are they staying over?
Sarah:They've gotta be nearby in case something happens, and Hastings has gotta do reconnaissance. But I'm just imagining Hastings and Jap in the same bed. First of all, they're super tall, so their feet are both hanging off the end, and Jap definitely wears a nightcap.
Mark:Oh, yeah.
Sarah:One of those long ones like Scrooge with a little pompom at
Mark:the end. Hastings in bed show is the best show. I think. So It makes
Sarah:me think of This is not a This is not remember the scene in plane train planes Trains and O'Neil when John Candy and Steve Martin are laying in bed together? That's Jap and Hastings in the morning.
Mark:That's Jap and Hastings in the morning.
Sarah:Those aren't pillows.
Mark:I think it's a.
Sarah:So Poirot's outside, and so are sir George and Mayfield. And Vanderline just shows up in the study. Yeah. Oh, I'm just getting my purse. Yep.
Sarah:She still got her gown on. I'm just getting my purse. And they're like, yeah. That's likely. Go ahead.
Sarah:Whatever.
Mark:In, like, the worst American accent ever, it sounds a little southern.
Sarah:I don't know what she's trying
Mark:to pull.
Sarah:I don't know. But that is the least stealthy get up outfit ever. Like, if you're sneaking around, not in that metallic dress.
Mark:And she's supposed to be this incredibly intelligent ruthless spy. She would be smarter than that.
Sarah:Well, she's not stealing the plans anyway. What she's doing is making herself a suspect. Yes. So they can they can suspect her? I guess.
Sarah:Is that the word I'm looking for?
Mark:I don't know what you're looking for.
Sarah:She's making herself appear to be a suspect. Yes. So they can investigate her, but she didn't do it.
Mark:Yeah. She knows
Sarah:She's not stealing it. Yeah. So she's she's a red herring
Mark:for her own herring ness. And an incredible theft.
Sarah:Is it? Do you know why she wants it? Why? The top sheet that's missing are the secret mathematics for the aluminum sheeting.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:She's gonna make a new dress. Oh. Cassette dress is made out of aluminum. Holy sheeting.
Mark:That dress is made out of aluminum.
Sarah:She's not using it for another plane. She's like, I can make a better steambleback bumble butt dress. More reflective. Better.
Mark:In this case, Poirot tells the truth constantly and no one believes him.
Sarah:Everybody has well, yes and no. Okay. He's not right.
Mark:Well, he kinda is right.
Sarah:He's saying Van der Linde didn't steal them. She didn't take him off the desk.
Mark:She didn't at that point in time. No. And he does go, I said that everybody who had access to them, and you completely blew that away. Yeah. And the government guy is like, imagine if you were a woman.
Sarah:Sir George. And Poirot says, of course, if that will help you, which immediately makes me think of Poirot in drag. Yes. Because you know he's not getting rid of the mustache. No.
Sarah:So he's gonna be in drag with the mustache.
Mark:Froggy and drag.
Sarah:David Suchet did actually play drag in the importance of being earnest on stage in London. Oh. I got a picture of it. Oh. He's not convincing even without the muscle.
Sarah:I don't think he'd like to. It's like, look. It's borrow and drag because that's who he is now. There's a female officer because Jap comes in with the troops.
Mark:Yes. So Jap Jap. Arrives, takes over the old system.
Sarah:Not subtle at all. You that way. You that way. Like, you don't even know exactly what's happened yet,
Mark:and you're like a pigeon now. Yeah. What? What?
Sarah:Meanwhile, get get Vanderlyn, holler to the police station Yes. I guess. And stripper, Helga.
Mark:But so she is upstairs and they go up and they arrest her. Mhmm. She's in her underwear.
Sarah:She's in her nightgown.
Mark:Yes. She gets dressed and comes down the stairs dragging her finger along the barrister, and we're back to the music department.
Sarah:Uh-huh.
Mark:Because we want the Poirot theme, but we want it sexy now. It's pornified Poirot. Yes.
Sarah:Sultry Sachs. So they don't know where Do you think she got cavity searched or just strip searched?
Mark:I I don't wanna do that.
Sarah:How far did Helga go? That's not Poirot talk. Looks pretty upset when she leaves that room.
Mark:She is pissed.
Sarah:I mean, who wouldn't be? Yes. The indignity of it all since she hasn't actually stolen the plans.
Mark:So then
Sarah:she's still guilty.
Mark:But then the plea the government guy says, Froggy thinks she didn't do it.
Sarah:Froggy knows she didn't do it. Poor poor Poirot puts up with so much. Well, when he when he is at the drinks reception and lady Carrington says, oh, a foreigner? Well, you'll soon figure it out.
Mark:Yeah.
Sarah:Like, he's not new. Yeah. Just because he has an accent. People always make these assumptions about him because of his accent.
Mark:Where could I get more information about the people in this episode? Hastings explains the entire Japanese thing just because he remembers it.
Sarah:Because he's connected. Yep. He knows about military stuff because he's captain Hastings eating his breakfast at 9:30 in the morning according to the clock on the wall
Mark:Yes. In the inn. But it now is this where the blancmange comes up? Yes. So he's complaining to Poirot about how Japs sleeps.
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:And he says that he talks in his sleep. This is Japs who talks in his sleep.
Sarah:Keep in mind, there were no big beds at this point. No. They're in a queen bed at best. Probably a double. Yes.
Sarah:Those 2, elbow y, knee, long legged, big nosed, tall men laying in a bed next to each other and Jap thrashes and yells all night. Now, I've got you young fellow, Jap of the yard strikes again, which I just love. Stand back, lads. He's got a blamonge.
Mark:Stand back, lads. He's got a blamonge.
Sarah:If you don't know what a blamonge is, imagine a Jell O mold that's made with creamy Jell O.
Mark:Yeah. It is. That's what a
Sarah:blamonge is. Gelatinous creamy stuff. Yeah. Like, if you put milk in Jell O and let it set. Some of the things he was saying were enough to make a cat laugh.
Sarah:What the hell does that mean?
Mark:What's my pigeon now?
Sarah:Enough to make a cat laugh.
Mark:Then we have an incredibly suspicious scene where packages and cases and envelopes and everything are passed back and forth.
Sarah:Right in front of Poirot. I'm sorry. Abort plan. Change it. Do something because Carlyle, who is Mayfield's manservant, his confidential secretary
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Is the worst spy ever. You left this red case, this Nazi red case. Oh, thank you, Carlisle. Here's a letter. Make sure it gets mailed.
Sarah:She'll just forget. Secret.
Mark:Secret. Blackmail. Blackmail. Secret. Secret.
Mark:Yeah.
Sarah:I mean, it's so obvious what's going on.
Mark:So then there's a car chase. There
Sarah:An epic car chase.
Mark:There's So many interesting things about this chart car chase.
Sarah:Because, of course, Hastings has been working on his car because his car needs to be rehauled every 30 seconds. Yes. So he's taken the spark plugs out of his car with 1 of the, policemen helping him, and that is the moment when they need to chase her.
Mark:And they steal a car. They steal the police car.
Sarah:Yes.
Mark:The policeman
Sarah:Hey. You stop.
Mark:Hey. Or I'll say hey again.
Sarah:They took my car, and Hastings comes into his own.
Mark:Does Hastings drift around the corners? Yeah. He does.
Sarah:And goes through a smoke screen and a giant puddle.
Mark:It's froggy and the furious.
Sarah:And knows the back roads. Yep. Yeah. Hold on. How many times does he say hold on?
Mark:Get the map out.
Sarah:Poirot puts on his pins snaz.
Mark:We're right near.
Sarah:You can't look at a map in a jostle car with your pins snaz on.
Mark:They go through a town, and I'm like, wait a minute. What is that couple doing?
Sarah:Oh, the one sitting on the grass?
Mark:Yeah. They're sitting on the grass talking very far away from each other. Yeah. They're not intimate at all, and they're clearly talking to each other, but they've just thrown their bikes on the ground.
Sarah:They don't have kickstands.
Mark:Ugh. Wait against a tree.
Sarah:There aren't any trees immediately around them. They have to be out in the open so they can be on the uppity up. Somebody's gonna fall. Vander Mein's car, she's like, John, go faster. Why do I don't know why I made her sound like Sean Connery.
Sarah:Because she's so teethey. It's, you know, her teeth are so tight. Yes. So very angular.
Mark:So very
Sarah:because that's how American sound.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:And there's a hay truck. Right?
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:There's a farm truck full of hay.
Mark:Yeah.
Sarah:And just some random dude in the back of it What? With hay.
Mark:Long day. What's he doing? Long day putting the hay in the back of it.
Sarah:No. No. No. This guy's not a farmer. He's wearing a Fair Isle vest and a tie and wool pants.
Sarah:He's not a farmer. He's a farmer. Nor is he a hitchhiker that they've picked up on the side of the road. He looks like he'd be a friend of Hastings.
Mark:He's a guy who tripped over a bike.
Sarah:He he looks like he should be important. Yeah. Like, he looks like he should be a character. But he Like, like, they're gonna need him later, and they don't. I don't know why he's there.
Mark:This is so much what we've talked about about season 1 so many times already. There's so much money in this episode.
Sarah:Yeah. Like, so many extras, so many unnecessary people Yeah. So many locations. Yep. It's I I I just looked at him, and I was like, who are you?
Sarah:Yes. Who are you? And why are you there?
Mark:And then Hastings drops a gold nugget in Poirot's lap. He goes, well, that's near the German ambassador's house.
Sarah:Because Poirot is just naming random I I guess there's a village every quarter mile.
Mark:Oh, yeah. It is kinda like that.
Sarah:He's like Upper Bumble Dink, Tinkle Tonk, Suet Pudding, Filksburg. No. None of those. Oh, I once had a a friend on the front that lived near Tinkle Tonk right next to the German ambassador's Oh. The alarm goes off.
Mark:So she pulls up to the German ambassador's house. By the way, the German ambassador who never lived in a house in the country.
Sarah:Especially with a big sign that says residents of the German ambassador Yes. On a brass plaque.
Mark:The German ambassador now lives at 2123 Belgrave Square in London.
Sarah:Okay. This is not the German ambassador's house. This is the Nazi ambassador's house. Okay? Because his guards walk up with a German shepherd They got the German shepherd.
Sarah:Wearing jod purse.
Mark:They got the jod purse. They do the salute. They do the salute. They're super Nazis.
Sarah:Here is the red suitcase that no one will ever mistake for anything else. Let's do the high l at each other. She's wearing all white. White gloves, everything. Like, could she be screaming louder with any movement that she makes?
Sarah:Yeah. If she was wearing a fully aluminum outfit, she wouldn't be more standout ish. Jod Perp Deeter comes up with his dog. Thank you, comrade or whatever.
Mark:Now is the time where we do saloons. Yes.
Sarah:And then we will close the gate and you will leave. The Nazis now have the plan. No. No. Well, Carlisle gave him bad math.
Sarah:Carlisle, the worst spy Yes. And an even worse mathematician Well, and they on purpose.
Mark:Okay. So she kinda gets away with it, but we find out that the plans have changed, and they've given them false plans. Okay? Which is clever.
Sarah:Yes. But doesn't make Mayfield any better. Because the whole reason still horrible. The whole reason he did it was that she was blackmailing him over his actual sale of arms to the Japanese. Yes.
Sarah:He is actually guilty of what he had been accused of.
Mark:Oh, honey. I love you now that you're not oh, wait a minute. You are. Never mind.
Sarah:I still love you. You're still a war criminal. Yeah. A war profiteer, at least.
Mark:But he's better now because if you notice in this scene, especially, he is the anti Hitler mustache.
Sarah:So he has he
Mark:has no middle part. It just has the size.
Sarah:Is that how you express that you're against Nazis? You shave the middle of your mustache. He's
Mark:the anti Hitler.
Sarah:Do you know why, Hitler had that mustache?
Mark:Because of the gas mask in World War 1.
Sarah:Yeah. Your big bushy mask your big bushy mustache. Yep. Would not have been good for a gas mask.
Mark:Okay. There are a number of reasons why I would have died long before that in World War 1. Why is he running? Oh, he's dead.
Sarah:No. No, mister Mayfield. Between the husband and the wife, there should be no sleepy dogs.
Mark:No sleepy dogs. You got sold a pup. A pup?
Sarah:What's a pup?
Mark:What's a pup? A little dog.
Sarah:That's almost an airplane joke.
Mark:It's an airplane joke.
Sarah:Shirley. Don't call me Shirley.
Mark:We've all learned a lesson, which is you shouldn't meet anonymous women
Sarah:at the zoo. It just shows the dangers of meeting anonymous women at the zoo. Yes. Hastings with his infinite wisdom.
Mark:And then Poirot is on point again at the end.
Sarah:Well, because Hastings is is joking with them, like, oh, well, you must hate it when everything turns out well at the end.
Mark:And Well, no. That's Jap that's saying.
Sarah:Jap says it. Yeah. You must hate it when, you know, the the case is all resolved and everything. Yeah. But the good the the bad guys get away.
Sarah:Yeah. I mean, Mayfield's not gonna pay a price. No. And Vanderlyn, maybe if she tries to ingratiate herself more with the Nazi party is gonna get found out as having given them bad plans and they might seek revenge on her. Maybe.
Sarah:Maybe. But, what she's just gonna go back to America in her aluminum dress and get away with it. It's she's not nothing's gonna happen to her.
Mark:Deeter and frauds aren't coming after her.
Sarah:No. But anyway, Poirot says, yes. It is hard, but we must put on a brave face and not let the cheerfulness to keep breaking through. He's he in the back of the car. He's so smiley.
Mark:This may be one of the funniest Poirot episodes.
Sarah:It is very odd.
Mark:And it has Nazis.
Sarah:I think it can be funny because there's no murder. Yes. So it can be more slapsticky. If there was a dead body involved, this stuff doesn't go over very well.
Mark:That borage line. Wow. How did that ever make it
Sarah:How did they not crack up Yeah. Saying that? How many takes did that breakfast scene
Mark:take? And, like, was that improvised? Like, did he have, like, 20 things that Jap said, and he just went through
Sarah:that list? Would Jap say in his sleep?
Mark:Because they do that sometimes.
Sarah:Yeah.
Mark:Right?
Sarah:My god, Emily. You're so boring.
Mark:No. No. Not more Welsh singing. Yes.
Sarah:I wanna wax my mustache just like Poirot.
Mark:I secretly love Poirot, but I won't say it.
Sarah:Miss Lemon is the devil. 66666. File me, miss Lemon. File me. Get your shoes off the couch.
Sarah:I wanna solve a case, Poirot. Let me.
Mark:I just He has the the guys in at the house going through the flower bed.
Sarah:What did
Mark:he kind of find?
Sarah:I don't think she hid it here, sir. Well, we gotta look everywhere. You know? Like, he's just making the peons dig in the garden just to do it. You gotta turn over every stone.
Sarah:You know? You just never know where she might have hidden it.
Mark:And the government's guy is going, I thought I was promised a pup.
Sarah:Yeah. I I thought I was gonna get a little dog.
Mark:Where's my little dog?
Sarah:Carlisle. I'm the one who doctored the plans. Everybody should think I'm awesome, and I'm
Mark:I'm glad he has a drafting table in the study. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird.
Sarah:Or he can doctor the math on the plans.
Mark:Well, and it's implied that he was in the room when the plans got stolen. Like, how in, like, take your headphones off, dude.
Sarah:Well, they didn't get stolen. No. Right?
Mark:No. No. No.
Sarah:Mayfield came in, put them in his pocket. Yes. They were in his pocket the whole time.
Mark:Even when she was being strip searched, which makes him even more grody.
Sarah:Because he's sitting on the stairs outside the room where she's being cavity searched. In front of Frisk
Mark:sorry.
Sarah:He's out there going, it's still in my pocket. It's still in my pocket. Helga Frisk Frisk sorry. He's out there going, it's still in my pocket. It's still in my pocket.
Mark:Helga in the yard sexploitation seventies movie. It's so weird.
Sarah:You've gone a completely different direction.
Mark:It's very weird. Well, why is that light there?
Sarah:I'm just thinking about Jap cuddling up to Hastings, and you're like, Helga's frisking her behind the screen. I got a bad movie for you if you're ready.
Mark:Okay. I'm ready.
Sarah:This is a risky one. I'm not sure.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:Okay? So John Carson who plays sir George is in this movie.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:And I gotta tell you, I had a it was a a task to to narrow it down to one movie
Mark:because been in some bad movies?
Sarah:John Carson Carson was in 6 Hammer horror films. Oh, excellent. And the ones after oh, the
Mark:guy who played Dracula and
Sarah:the other guy. Christopher Lee. Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing were no longer making movies with Hammer.
Mark:Yep.
Sarah:Like, the the really bad ones he made after the really bad ones he made after that. Yeah. He was in a lot of those, but this is not one of those. Okay? 1970.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:I'll read you the synopsis.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:While driving one evening, a man has a car accident. Afterwards, he finds his life has been turned upside down. He learns that he now supports a merger that he once opposed and apparently is having an affair. People claim they have seen him in places he's never been. Does he have a doppelganger, or is he going insane?
Mark:Oh, this sounds so familiar. I think I've seen this movie, but I can't remember it. 1970. Not Christopher Lee, not Peter Cushing.
Sarah:No. It's not a Hammer movie.
Mark:It's not a Hammer movie.
Sarah:I'll give you a big hint.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:It stars Roger Moore, Bond himself.
Mark:No. I don't know. I don't know if I've seen it then.
Sarah:It's called the man who haunted himself.
Mark:The man who haunted himself? He gets
Sarah:in a car accident. And when So he's dead? Well, they've got a heart monitor on him, and it shows 2 heartbeats. Uh-huh. And then he comes out of surgery and everything, and he has a doppelganger.
Sarah:Oh. There's an evil version of him. Does he have a mustache? Well, yeah, because he has a mustache.
Mark:Oh, okay.
Sarah:So the evil version doesn't have, like, a goatee or anything. They look identical, but he's trying to ruin his life. The the evil doppelganger is trying to ruin his life. No. The man who haunted himself.
Mark:The man who haunted himself. That's excellent.
Sarah:It looks like a good movie, actually. He there's a confrontation at the end where the good Roger Moore is wet. I don't know why. And the bad Roger Moore is isn't Mhmm. And laughs maniacally.
Sarah:It's crazy.
Mark:No? There
Sarah:you go. I win. One point for me.
Mark:One point for you.
Sarah:Okay. So When we do our AMA to to you with maniacs, we may have to tally up over the 200 episodes how many points we have each.
Mark:Who's got time for that? He said knowing he's lost.
Sarah:I think I'm winning by a lot by a lot.
Mark:April 28th at 4 PM. Eastern. Tea with the maniacs.
Sarah:We're gonna lay down some truth. Yes. And drink some Earl Grey. Well, you will. I will.
Sarah:You won't. It's got mushrooms in it. No. It doesn't. Send us questions.
Sarah:Anything you wanna know us, us, the podcast, shows, whatever.
Mark:Yes. Please send questions
Sarah:They're all through all social media things. You can ask questions in real time.
Mark:Any way that you wanna contact us, feel free to contact us.
Sarah:I'm looking forward to it. We're gonna have so much fun. It's been a while since we've done a live episode.
Mark:Yes. So absolutely. And we will also discuss in that episode what were the schedule for moving forward.
Sarah:Mhmm. So Because as always, the end of school year is crazy. Yeah.
Mark:We've got some crazy times coming up.
Sarah:But we've also got some good episodes coming up.
Mark:Yes. We do. So so season 1 was 2 more episodes
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:And then season 2, which we're gonna roll right into as 9 Yep. Which will probably take us well into the fall because one thing we'll talk about is that summer is our slow period and we're gonna slow down.
Sarah:Yeah.
Mark:We always say that, but we never do.
Sarah:We never do. But we will. But we will. But that's alright. Yep.
Sarah:But on 28th, be there. Be square. We're gonna have fun.
Mark:Yep. To you in the maniacs. Bye, maniacs.
Sarah:Bye, maniacs.
Mark:Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word. Bye, maniacs.
Sarah:Start over. Start over. Yep.
