Episode 210 | Mystery Maniacs | Poirot | "Double Sin" | Seasonal Affective Stalking Japp Bad Mustache Disorder
She just had a wispy mustache. It's not like a big bushy mustache that you remember. Hey, maniacs.
Mark:Hey, maniacs. Mystery maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of the show, including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love. This week, the double sin. Actually, it's just double sin.
Sarah:Double sin.
Mark:Season 2 episode 6. You're Sarah.
Sarah:You're Mark.
Mark:And I'm Mark.
Sarah:It's like doublemint gum. You don't say the doublemint gum. Yes.
Mark:You don't.
Sarah:Double your pleasure. Double your sin.
Mark:If you let your children ride the bus alone with $1500 worth of miniatures
Sarah:They can listen to that.
Mark:This episode. It's a spoiler podcast.
Sarah:We're gonna ruin it. If you didn't know. There's no murder. So
Mark:nah. But for all you people who dislike housekeeping, we have housekeeping at the beginning.
Sarah:We have fun stuff, though.
Mark:We do. First of all
Sarah:We had our 5 year podversary.
Mark:Our last episode was released on the exact day of our 5 year podversary.
Sarah:We forgot to mention it. I can't
Mark:believe that we're 5 years. It's insane. I can. That that doesn't sound good. Not in
Sarah:a bad way.
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:All I have to remember is that we started before the pandemic, and that is so long ago, I believe, just about anything. It feels like the before time. You know? If you said it was our 10 year Podversary, I would believe you.
Mark:I put a bunch of stuff like quotes and, stats in the newsletter along with pictures of all of
Sarah:All of our crazy titles. We were we were making each other laugh reading off episode titles.
Mark:Yeah. I made it real. It had all the images from each episode in it. And then also in the newsletter, which you missed if you've not subscribed to the newsletter, was a cute picture of Olive in a unicorn hat.
Sarah:That I had to bribe her to wear.
Mark:Yes. In a little video if you click on it. So
Sarah:So last week or was it the week aft before, we started
Mark:Last week.
Sarah:A little feature
Mark:Yeah.
Sarah:With a little question of the week that we could all answer together, a little creative question of the week.
Mark:Oh, it was 2 weeks ago because I had Gen Con.
Sarah:So We spend a lot of time online as a community going, oh, what if this happened? What if that happened in a midsummer or in a Poirot or whatever? Wouldn't this be funny? And so we started to kind of pose these questions, and you've sent some in. And last week's question was a method of murder that we wanted to see.
Mark:In Midsummer.
Sarah:In Midsummer specifically. Yes.
Mark:Known for its crazy weird
Sarah:Dreyers, wheels of cheese, trebuchets, cheese wires, you
Mark:name it. That good stuff.
Sarah:Yes. Yep. Mark. Yes. What was your method of murder that
Mark:you came up with? 1 that is 2. Totally Mark on the nose and Cheater
Sarah:Mc Cheater said.
Mark:Forgot about the other one.
Sarah:Okay.
Mark:One that's kinda out of craziness. Okay. The first one is typewriter or old media related things like projectors and things like that used as killing devices.
Sarah:That happened in misery.
Mark:It happened in misery. Yes. It did. Yeah. Misery had quite the effect on me.
Sarah:Bashed over the head with a typewriter? Yeah. So what's your other murder method?
Mark:To make it look like it was Yeti or Bigfoot.
Sarah:Oh, like tracks and claws and weird hair samples or something?
Mark:All sorts of wood.
Sarah:Because then they could have, like, a Bigfoot hunter come Yeah. And claim they know who did it kind of like in the UFO episode.
Mark:The UFO episode in the Wolf Hunter episode. Yeah.
Sarah:Yeah. But you want it to be a Yeti? Yes. I do. Specifically Yeti, not big foot.
Mark:Well, big foot Yeti. It's all the same thing.
Sarah:Well, no. Yetis are Himalayan.
Mark:Okay. Geography wise. Yes.
Sarah:So it would be Bigfoot.
Mark:Yes. What about you?
Sarah:Picture it. There is a children's animal show
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:At the county fair.
Mark:Bunnies. The bait. Llamas.
Sarah:Children have bought Goats. Have brought their snakes, their rabbits, their rodents, mice, rats, all that stuff. The judge universally hated and soon to be dead. Yes. The children have their pets in their hands for judging.
Sarah:Yes. Right? They're nice little docile pets.
Mark:Guinea pigs. Gerbils.
Sarah:Except the judge has been smeared with aggressive mice pheromone. Oh, no. And all of the rodents attack him. And then the snakes go, look, mice. And they attack him to get the mice.
Sarah:And that's what how he dies.
Mark:So He
Sarah:he gets eaten by mice in front of everybody.
Mark:Death by rodent and snake attack?
Sarah:Well, it's it's death by aggressive mice pheromone
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:Which does exist. Yes. That aggressive pheromone that mice can put off that makes them attack each other. I thought about bees really do it. Insects really do it.
Sarah:But that's been done.
Mark:That's been done.
Sarah:Bees have been done anyway. And you'd have to really stake somebody down or something to have them be killed by, like, termites.
Mark:So Yes.
Sarah:I went with the mice pheromone. Okay. That's cool. My Google history is broken again because I'm looking for what animals put off aggressive pheromones and can you harvest it.
Mark:Well, we asked you. We asked you.
Sarah:It's the harvesting that's the tricky part.
Mark:Dear listener, to respond to the same question
Sarah:You'd have to collect mouse pee. Make mice mad and then collect their pee. That's how you'd have to do it.
Mark:No no listener mentions pee.
Sarah:Their answers are probably better than mine. So You don't want mouse pee hitting your pockets?
Mark:No. I don't. Sorry.
Sarah:Okay. Lay them on me. What did they come up with?
Mark:Okay. Danielle, who is a long time listener from Columbus, Ohio, suggested the compound semaglutide
Sarah:Okay.
Mark:Which is, if you give it to somebody, it's basically pure insulin. Oh. So if you give it to somebody who is not diabetic, they will die.
Sarah:Like an injection? Yes. Wow.
Mark:Lisa suggested a hot air balloon festival where someone, of course, falls and dies, but no one else is in the basket. Oh,
Sarah:I like it.
Mark:That's fantastic.
Sarah:But it's one of those writing yourself into a corner things. Yeah. Like, okay. So how does it happen? I say spring loaded bottom of the basket.
Sarah:Yeah. That would work. So that goes off, flings them out, but also flings it self out of the basket at the same time and falls somewhere separately. Maybe it has a little parachute of its own.
Mark:And everybody's looking at the thing
Sarah:at the bottom. And not noticing Yeah. The spring loaded wicker wicker basket bottom.
Mark:Or it could be a drone. Could be a drone.
Sarah:It could fly off by itself. Oh, a drone attack on a bass basket balloon? Yeah. Okay.
Mark:Kath, Woodman Maynard, good friend of the show and artist, suggested because she recently had a hip X-ray, the heavy X-ray machine that you get your hip X-ray on. Oh. Like, the technician has to lift that up. Yeah. It's definitely a heavy machine.
Sarah:That's like you could kill somebody with a CAT scan by putting something metal in them that they didn't know was there.
Mark:I don't
Sarah:know how that would work. I think you'd notice maybe. Bad idea, Sarah. Anyway, next.
Mark:Gregory suggests being bored to death. I don't really know how that happens.
Sarah:Bored like on we board or or bored by, like, a boring tool?
Mark:No. Oh, boy. Like, enwee. I don't know how our children are not bored to death with their lives, but Kimberly suggested a set of great Highland bagpipes.
Sarah:Oh, isn't there something where somebody shoots poisonous darts out of a bagpipe?
Mark:I don't remember.
Sarah:Maybe a James Bond or something?
Mark:Maybe. I don't think so.
Sarah:Or maybe they release a poisonous gas from the bagpipe?
Mark:Maybe. I don't know.
Sarah:They have potential.
Mark:I'd have to look. Jess Bird suggests ice chisel. Lorna suggests
Sarah:Wait a minute. Chisel for chiseling ice Yes. Or a chisel made of ice?
Mark:No. Like, chiseling ice in the sculpture competition.
Sarah:Oh, okay. Because there's a lot of ice bullets, ice knives Yeah. That kind of thing.
Mark:Lorna suggested tickling to death. Kimberly at kettlebell. That's completely possible. I think
Sarah:so too. Especially if you had asthma or something.
Mark:Pink lady suggested frozen leg of lamb. She mentioned
Sarah:That's been done in Dorothy Sayers.
Mark:She mentioned it was in Alfred Hitchcock Presents. It's been done in both Dorothy Sayers and Roald Dahl.
Sarah:Because you kill somebody with it and then you
Mark:cook it. Then you cook it. In the Roald Dahl story, the woman kills her husband with it, I think, and then feeds it to the detective. That's dark. It's dark.
Mark:Well, it's Roald Dahl. Tib suggested the timely Olympic equipment, such as hammer throw and javelin.
Sarah:There's so many murder weapons especially in track and field.
Mark:Track and field is really like, I'm really glad that they can't throw it longer than they can because they couldn't have any other events.
Sarah:Yeah. Because the track would have to change size to make it longer, and then the runners would be impacted. Right?
Mark:And you can't run multiple events at once or else?
Sarah:Oh, gosh.
Mark:No. Some poor guy running 4 by 100 gets hit by a javelin.
Sarah:That's why they have qualifiers because they know if they got a ringer who's gonna, like, double the record, they'd know.
Mark:Yeah. They'd know.
Sarah:Though, those little cars that bring the javelin back, if you loaded it with the javelin facing point out and drove it into somebody, they'd never expect it.
Mark:We've watched too much Olympics, and there's lots of murder potential.
Sarah:Those little cars that drive the javelins are amazing. There's so
Mark:many the diving board in half.
Sarah:Wow. The springy ones? Yeah. Not the platforms.
Mark:Not the platforms.
Sarah:That's never gonna happen. No. Just on the note of Olympics, if you didn't watch any of the breaking, if you haven't watched any of the highlights, at least watch them. It's very cool.
Mark:Yep. Super cool sport. We have a question to ask for next week Yes. Which is?
Sarah:Next week's question is, what new activity or hobby could Joyce or Sarah Barnaby get involved with that would result in a murder? Excellent. That they haven't already in an episode. A new one. And And if you wanna get in touch and let us know your answers to the question, you can do it like this.
Mark:If you wanna reach out to the maniacs, you can email us at mystery maniacspodcast@gmail.com. You can join our Facebook page, comment on our posts on Twitter or Instagram, or join our subreddit. You can also message us directly. We'd love to hear from you. Do you remember Michael Maloney from father Brown season 1 episode 2 where
Sarah:Is he the one who plays the leader of the Sun Cult?
Mark:The Sun Cult leader? Yep. He's playing Poirot in London now.
Sarah:I can see that. He has the right shape head.
Mark:Yeah. He does. He's they're doing Orient Express.
Sarah:On stage? Yeah. How do they do the train on stage?
Mark:I don't know, but I would love it.
Sarah:It must be a cutaway trains. Cutaway, like, of the side of it.
Mark:Yeah. I guess so.
Sarah:I wonder if they move it back and forth across the stage. It's worth you different carriages.
Mark:It's worth a trip to England to find it.
Sarah:That would be neat.
Mark:Yes. And just a note that our next episode is 19th August and will be the adventure of the cheap flight. It's cheap. It is cheap, but why is it cheap?
Sarah:Let's talk double sin. Yes. This is fun.
Mark:That painting at the beginning fools no one? No. That rain at the beginning fools no one? No. It's sunny
Sarah:out. I think Poirot has seasonal affective disorder.
Mark:I think he also does. Did you notice a nun?
Sarah:Yes. She's not a nun. She's a professional nanny. In my notes She's a nursemaid is what she is.
Mark:In my notes, it's I wonder if that's sister Boniface.
Sarah:She doesn't have full glasses on. No. Yeah. She's pushing the buggy Yes. Around the feeble fountain.
Mark:Go global cooling. That's a pretty hip joke for 1990.
Sarah:Yeah. That it's global cooling. Yeah. Experiencing some global cooling. Yes.
Sarah:No. I will retire. I have no case. How many how many episodes start with this? He doesn't do this in this in this story, by the way.
Sarah:How many episodes start with, oh, I'm done. I have no case.
Mark:Oh, and
Sarah:this is pure. The
Mark:This is pure Sherlock Holmes too. Yeah. Like, it's dark in Sherlock Holmes because he does cocaine when he saves his
Sarah:If he doesn't have a case, he's smacked out. Though so the whole Hastings solves the case thing and miss Lemon loses her keys thing are additions that the the screenwriters put into this. They're not in the original story, and I love them both. So no. I'm sorry.
Sarah:The JAP lecture tour and the Miss Lemon loses her keys are additions. And I love them both incredibly, amounts, like, huge.
Mark:Mister Dicker is perfect. I love how he just walks in. Mister Dicker. Yeah. He's the
Sarah:Oh, the doorman. The doorman. Yeah. Whose hat squashes his ears? Is that a thing?
Mark:I guess.
Sarah:You set your hat on your ears. I don't know. The urchins in the hallway, they are credited as 1st urchin and second urchin.
Mark:They're trying to get money for the guy.
Sarah:I guess for the newspaper?
Mark:No. I think it's for Guy Fawkes Day.
Sarah:No. I think the guy is their boss, the adult who's outside.
Mark:Oh, maybe. Yeah.
Sarah:I because this is, like, August. Right? Isn't that the date on the poster for JAP?
Mark:It is.
Sarah:So that wouldn't be that's in November.
Mark:But miss Lemon and Hastings are worried about Poirot.
Sarah:Because of his ennui. Yes. This is one of my favorite lines in all of the David Suchet Poirot when Hastings says, have you seen the photo of him at his christening? He looks like he's about to address a board meeting. Yes.
Sarah:I love that.
Mark:That is a fantastic
Sarah:Because I immediately see Poirot in a little in the in the christening dress and the little lacy bonnet. And he's a baby, but he has the mustache as an infant.
Mark:He can't have the mustache.
Sarah:In my head, he has the mustache and and the pince nez. Like, even as an infant, he's very serious. They know exactly who he's going to be.
Mark:So now Christy's pretty cagey about Poirot's youth.
Sarah:Yeah. You know? We get a hint that he is a child of a poor family, that there are more siblings, and at least, one younger sister, I think. And that's about all we know. When he leaves as a refugee, he doesn't talk about family.
Sarah:We don't really know what his childhood was like.
Mark:I think all of that is complete fabrication.
Sarah:You do? Yes. So Mark and I sort of challenged each other to come up with what Poirot's childhood was like.
Mark:I believe Poirot is the son of a itinerant con man. Oh. That his father and his mother were con men.
Sarah:Confidence tricksters,
Mark:Yep. And they were obsessed with how they looked. They wanted to have the best clothes, and they only gave him love when he dressed properly.
Sarah:And helped them in their cogs.
Mark:Hound them in their cogs.
Sarah:And so that's why he's on the straight and narrow now.
Mark:Well, he and this should ring familiar for you, it does for me, realized at an early age, he may be smarter than his parents.
Sarah:I don't know about my parents. My sibling, yes. I was always mean about that.
Mark:And see, that puts you in a weird place. Right? Because you wanna respect your elders, but you're like, that's a stupid thing to do. Why are
Sarah:you doing So that's the vision of his childhood that you have?
Mark:The the that's one of them. The other one is kind of the Batman scenario. His parents were victims of some sort of crime and he's dedicated his life to crime because of it. He has to have at some point in time, received the best praise in his life for being fastidious. And that's what I think that that moment of dopamine is what causes him to to continue.
Sarah:Took this in a very serious way.
Mark:I did.
Sarah:My my interpretation of his childhood was that he was a nerd and grew up in the countryside in Belgium and tried to get everybody to play games like, let's sort these rocks from large to small. You know? And then he probably waxed his bangs as a child to make them split exactly in the middle.
Mark:Yeah. I can see that.
Sarah:You know? And that in puberty, when he started to grow a mustache, he tried to wax his whisker like his little wispy mustache until it grew in.
Mark:Now I also have a love story aspect to this. I thought a lot about it.
Sarah:Okay. We've gone way off. You gotta tell us love story fast.
Mark:So do you think he was either the victim of unrequited love, like he loved somebody and she did not notice him at all?
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:And then he decided love was not for him.
Sarah:Mhmm. Or Until he meets the countess.
Mark:Or that it was the other scenario where a young lady loved him, and he did not notice until it was too late.
Sarah:Oh, I think it's that one. Yeah. Yeah. Or he's a young constable, and he realizes the girl that he loves is bad.
Mark:Maybe she's working with his parents.
Sarah:Yeah. And so he can't love her.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Oh, we've gone too far.
Mark:So I I love these stories. I do love these stories.
Sarah:I get you. Maybe Poirot and met his children.
Mark:That's what I love to think.
Sarah:Hastings Hastings isn't even a challenge. He's in little tweed short pants.
Mark:Yes. But Hastings
Sarah:playing soldiers.
Mark:Yeah. Like,
Sarah:that's what he's doing.
Mark:Like his parents came to visit Belgium or something.
Sarah:Or he's captain of the cricket team or something.
Mark:Something.
Sarah:Yeah. Okay. You're in a complete need of a complete overhaul, Hastings. We must go to the seaside. Yes.
Sarah:Which Actually, Poirot has seen that hasting that, Jap is giving a series of lectures and is stalking him.
Mark:Well and there's another kind of joke here. Mhmm. Because they say we went to the seaside, but the hotel is called the Midlands Hotel. Yeah. Because that hotel is actually called the Midlands Hotel.
Mark:Now it's not in the Midlands.
Sarah:No. But But they put a mermaid statue in the parking circle. That makes it at the beach. Duh.
Mark:Yeah. The mermaid statue isn't there.
Sarah:No. It's not there. It can't I I didn't even have to look that up because it's just sitting in the gravel. It would get run over every day by cars. Yes.
Sarah:Every day.
Mark:Absolutely.
Sarah:It would be on a plinth. It would be So
Mark:the painting, the mural, do you see did you
Sarah:see No. It caught my eye, but I couldn't see what it was.
Mark:So it says on it, hear old Triton blow his reed horn.
Sarah:Oh, the one on the roof Yes. On the ceiling?
Mark:Yes. So that is a reference to Triton who is the herald of Poseidon. So he says, hey, Poseidon. When you're gonna show up somewhere, let me know.
Sarah:I'll let him know.
Mark:I'll show up.
Sarah:I'll blow my
Mark:It'll blow my horn. The original of that piece of art was destroyed 2 years after it was originally created because they had such bad plaster. Oh. It just started falling apart one day.
Sarah:From the ceiling?
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:Woah. So That could hurt somebody.
Mark:Recreated it. And while it was recreated, they filmed this episode.
Sarah:Nice. So I was too busy thinking that Poirot looked like a creep on the beach in his trench coat. He does. Like, he's gonna flash somebody or like like he's 2 people wearing a coat trying to look like one person. You know?
Mark:He he sits he sits on the I'm creepy scale sometimes.
Sarah:Yeah. And
Mark:he has to be careful.
Sarah:I mean, it's I guess it's not really warm warm, but it's not that cold.
Mark:Hastings tells a good joke here about the horse that started out 5 to 1 and came in at 2:15.
Sarah:Yeah. Poirot doesn't get it.
Mark:That's a great joke.
Sarah:The growing of the mustache is an art. I have sympathy for all who attempt it. That's why I'm thinking that Poirot had to work really hard at that mustache is to nurture it and take care of it.
Mark:There's an advertisement for Jelly Deals and
Sarah:Winkles. Jelly deals. Just a concept grossed me out. We've talked about it before.
Mark:By the way, if you haven't watched, The Change on BritBox Mhmm. It is fantastic.
Sarah:Bridgette Christie, it's really good. It's really good.
Mark:Strange eel parts.
Sarah:Eel, ladies. You gotta watch it. Yeah. That's in the what we're watching.
Mark:It's not a detective show,
Sarah:but it's definitely so good. We binged it in 2 nights. We couldn't stop
Mark:watching now. Fantastic on taskmaster
Sarah:Yeah. That she
Mark:She's really funny. Writes and directs this? Yeah.
Sarah:I think so.
Mark:I think so. So she did. It's and it's it is a, great exploration of women's roles.
Sarah:Yeah. So So then we get this scene with Mary and her aunt talking about the miniatures. Yes. And this is weird. Right?
Sarah:Because they're the bad guys. Yes. So they are pretending amongst themselves not to be bad guys Well for us.
Mark:I I I watched this scene twice. If you understand what's about to happen, they don't say anything wrong.
Sarah:Oh, okay. I watched it, but I didn't I still didn't see it that way.
Mark:I believe you. Certain you know what to do.
Sarah:Okay.
Mark:Yes. I do. No one will see it.
Sarah:Okay. Yep. Gotcha. So the miniatures that they're talking about
Mark:problem that she says Uh-huh. The problem is that this is her first first big commission, which if they were real criminals, they'd probably say score there instead of commission.
Sarah:Well, but they're not gonna be that unseemly about it.
Mark:No. But that's the only problem there.
Sarah:So the the miniatures are by Jean Baptiste Jacques Augustine Yes. Who is a real miniature painter. That's not the name of the artist in the short story, but they substituted in a real miniature painter. He did.
Mark:And these are 18 12 minuteiatures?
Sarah:Well, they're Napoleonic. Yes. So they're earlier than that?
Mark:No. Napoleon's 18 12.
Sarah:Well, but these are of his, original Marshalls? Yes. So they they would be a little bit older than that.
Mark:Early 19th century.
Sarah:Yeah. And they look absolutely like Augustine's work.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:But what was odd as I was looking at Augustine's work, and he did a lot of military officers, but he also, of course you know, do you know the purpose of miniatures like this? Like, what how they were used?
Mark:They're almost like like, souvenirs.
Sarah:Like, it's like having a photo in your wallet. Yeah. Right? There wasn't photographs yet. So if you were going away, you might have a miniature painted to leave with the person you love so they could see you, whatever.
Mark:Putting your hair in them is just creepy.
Sarah:Yeah. But that was the thing that they did all the way through the Victorian era. Yep. Later, they did it with dead people's hair more than not. He painted a lot of miniatures of women Okay.
Sarah:Right, to give to their sweethearts.
Mark:That makes sense.
Sarah:It does until you notice a a surprising number of them are of women with one boob out.
Mark:He's French. Right?
Sarah:Mhmm. Well, his name is Jean Baptiste Jacques Augustine. What do you think?
Mark:Clearly, he's an Irishman. Yeah. I think it might relate to the goddess of freedom. I think it is.
Sarah:The French victory
Mark:Yeah. I think that's
Sarah:has one breast out too. Yes.
Mark:I think that that's what it might be a way to convince these ladies to show their boobs.
Sarah:Yeah. There's all this symbolism around it. It's a symbol. It's victory.
Mark:Drop your dress.
Sarah:It's a symbol of nurturing. It's a symbol of female beauty and all that stuff. But it doesn't hurt if your boyfriend's going off to war and the little picture you send him you give him to take with him is of you with your boob out.
Mark:Just saying.
Sarah:Just saying. They're beautiful, but yeah.
Mark:And then he goes to the boyfriend and he's like, this is the only one unless you pay that little extra.
Sarah:I would hate to duplicate this picture of your girlfriend with her boob out because I could. I've got these already made up and I just paint the head on.
Mark:We've turned miniatures into revenge porn.
Sarah:Whose hair is that? The whole Kane and, Lady Mil, Manderly. Yes. I was I wanna call her lady Marmalade.
Mark:You should call her lady red herring.
Sarah:Yeah. There's such a red herring, and everything about him bothers me. This he's a Kane is a novelist. Right?
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:So though he's wearing a very respectable tweed suit, he has to have on this
Mark:Fluffy cravat.
Sarah:This this floofy bow tie?
Mark:I guess.
Sarah:And he has a big moley mole on his forehead.
Mark:Giant mole on
Sarah:his forehead. I I forgot about that being a plot point. And when I first noticed it, I was like, dude had a bad zit, and makeup artist did her best. Her very best to hide it. And it's not fooling anybody.
Mark:It's like a bad car chase. It's bad red herrings. It's it's just it's it's it's from the original story.
Sarah:He is. He is. But he just has an alibi. He checked into a hotel. That's it.
Sarah:Yeah. That's all there is.
Mark:It just seems a little sparse.
Sarah:Could not be worse at disguise.
Mark:Oh, she's horrible. She drives her fancy car.
Sarah:But, you know, don't mind me. I'm just the one in the trench coat buttoned up to my chin. The hat pulled down to my eyebrows. She may as well have Lyft shoes and a fake mustache and a hump on her back and a plastic nose. Nobody will recognize me.
Mark:I love when they start chasing them. No. When they get out of the car and, the writer looks at Hastings and goes, it's you because he recognized him.
Sarah:I knew Tell
Mark:him. I knew they were after us. I'm like, what? Who is that?
Sarah:They think somebody from us.
Mark:No one cares.
Sarah:They think her father has sent somebody after us. Maybe. But but she says, why can't you just leave me alone? Don't you know what what's it like to love a man? And Hastings, like, well, no.
Mark:Not exactly.
Sarah:I like that.
Mark:Again, Hastings is on fire in
Sarah:this episode. But that really is all we need to talk about with them. Yes. They're a bad side story red herring, really. They're just running away together.
Sarah:Okay.
Mark:Rest of the story is the young lady with the short hair pretends
Sarah:Mary.
Mark:Yes. Pretends to lose the miniatures.
Sarah:Mhmm. After she's like, we're on a bus, and when we go home, I'm gonna be carrying a whole bunch of cash. I hope nobody tries to take it from me.
Mark:Yeah. Like, Puarro picks up on that
Sarah:right away. Small bills unmarked in my suitcase that looks like this and has my name on it.
Mark:Combination 666.
Sarah:He lectures her quite a bit about it in the book.
Mark:Yeah. I think so. And then we find out that the miniatures were never in her case, that they're actually being sold then to the the American
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:For £7,000 instead of 1500. Mhmm. And then it all comes out. Right? It's revealed that they are actually the confidence trick tricksters against the Americans.
Sarah:Because what they're hoping is that Mary says they're they're stolen. They'll realize that Baker would has them. They'll take them from him and return them to Aunt Penn, and then they'll have the money and the miniatures.
Mark:Yes. That's their goal is to have the money and the miniatures.
Sarah:Yeah. Meanwhile, miss Lemon has lost her keys.
Mark:And has the best dream ever.
Sarah:As near as I can tell, she spends 2 nights in Poirot's apartment. She does. Because she can't leave. Because she can't lock the door. And she can't get in if she does.
Mark:I would feel better about this subplot if the keys had fallen behind the table.
Sarah:They fell behind a pair?
Mark:They were right beside the fruit bowl. They were
Sarah:they were in the fruit bowl. No. And she doesn't put them in. When she when she gets them, she pulls them out of the fruit bowl.
Mark:When she puts them down, she puts them on the right hand side of the fruit bowl. I watch.
Sarah:Well, that's a plot hole, isn't it? I guess so. Because she actually put them in the fruit bowl, which is why she can't find them.
Mark:She has a weird dream where speaking for Hastings. Hastings is speaking for.
Sarah:I like that
Mark:a lot.
Sarah:It's funny.
Mark:Yep. Is a bit of a fish out of water here too. I I love how Hastings goes. She must be doing some women's things.
Sarah:Oh, when they leave the pub when they're in the bus ride? Where did she go? Oh, it must be some woman's thing. She ran outside. What what what do you how little do you know about women that you think that's a woman thing?
Mark:But Poirot is upset because they're laughing it.
Sarah:This is not the first time he's been laughed at. The bumpkins are laughing at him, and then he smiles and nods and they go some more like
Mark:They go oh.
Sarah:Oh. He looked at us. Oh. I got a big flat cap on and pig poop on my boots. I'm gonna make fun of that French guy.
Sarah:The the whole let's put Poirot on a bus thing when a train is so much more sophisticated. You know? Yes. It's funny. So then there's
Mark:just far too much. If he went to ref Woodburn and he had a fast car and she had a plane and he was over here and they were over there and place name, place name, place name. And it's just it's confusing and silly.
Sarah:If this was a modern story, they'd have a dry erase board and a timeline Yes. And a map. Yes. And they would be they'd have little magnets of each of the people on the map, and they'd be moving them around. But instead, they go and talk to Baker Wood at the Castle Hotel that is across the lake from the train station.
Sarah:So you have to take a boat. Beautiful boat.
Mark:You gotta take a beautiful boat with the world's least helpful boat guy. Yes. Somebody may have gotten on my boat at some point. Oh, come on. You couldn't pay attention
Sarah:to everybody. She just had a wispy mustache. It's not like a big bushy mustache that you remember. Speaking of the change, all those old ladies have big mustaches. I mean, come on.
Sarah:You can't tell them apart. Baker Wood says she was tall, elderly, gray haired, blotchy complexion, and a budding mustache.
Mark:Now he's on it. He knows exactly what she looked like.
Sarah:And Hastings is like, that was Kane dressed as an old lady. He had a budding mustache.
Mark:And you're like, no. No. Now they haven't met the woman in the wheelchair yet, so they don't know.
Sarah:But if you were a man trying to dress as an old lady, you wouldn't think, I'll keep my mustache. That'll fool everybody. That makes my old lady disguise more convincing.
Mark:It's like The Godfather. Keep them all. Shave the mustache. Yeah. Exactly.
Sarah:But I had to laugh. Baker Wood, he's American. You know? And he goes, hey. Those are my goddamn miniatures.
Sarah:Yep. It's like saying, those are my goddamn little my little pony figures. You know? Like, I'm a big tough guy who collects little things
Mark:where Mini miniatures.
Sarah:With hair in them.
Mark:I like to move them around the battlefield.
Sarah:One of them's got a boob out. That's my favorite. That's a weird marshal who wears his boob out. They're French, though. You know?
Sarah:French military men, they're different.
Mark:The the boat to the train station always bothers me. I'm like, no. They wouldn't how big is the lake?
Sarah:Big enough that that's a more direct route. I can see that. I guess. If the boat goes back and forth every day, you're not gonna have those fancy people having to ride all the way around the lake in a car when they could take a fancy boat.
Mark:I guess so.
Sarah:Or they could ride with Hastings in his police car.
Mark:So, does he go to the lady, the ant first Mhmm. To explain things?
Sarah:Mhmm.
Mark:I think as soon as he sees the ant, he's like, oh, this is what's happening.
Sarah:Oh, I think he goes there because he already suspects.
Mark:Yeah. I think he suspects.
Sarah:He's just going there to confirm that the aunt is the one that Brookwood was talking about.
Mark:Yes. And then Bicklerwood. Hastings is all upset about telling her. It's sad.
Sarah:I I like Poirot's reaction when Hastings says he's going to see Mary tomorrow. Farro's like, oh, who you are? This will be good. Because he's already got it figured out, basically. Like, this will be interesting.
Mark:And then Hastings thinks it's wood, so he wants to bring everyone together. And he and Poirot's like, why aren't you telling me why this is?
Sarah:Yeah. What is your cockamamie theory? Well, because for once, Hastings has decided that maybe things aren't exactly as they seem. He always wants to solve the mystery based on what he thinks are the facts and never questions them. Right?
Sarah:Yeah. So the whole idea what Poirot initially says, well, maybe they were never in Redburn at all, Or maybe they didn't, you know, didn't take a car. And he's like, oh. Hastings is like, maybe I should question. And then at that moment, he does it again.
Sarah:Maybe Baker Wood is lying. Yes. And he didn't buy them from some you know, like, that
Mark:Which role is that I would
Sarah:too. Absolutely.
Mark:Just some respect.
Sarah:Yeah. It it would be far simpler if Baker would have just stolen them out of the luggage.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:He'd have them. He wouldn't have paid for them. End of story. Right?
Mark:Okay. So let's cover the most touching moment of the episode, and then we'll cover woman in a wheelchair runs away.
Sarah:Okay. Okay. So we have to talk about how Poirot should be better at disguise. Then I'm gonna put my scarf across my face and run. Yes.
Sarah:And no one will notice me. Oh, come on. You know better than that. But yeah.
Mark:So he goes to the meeting.
Sarah:Jap is really bad talking private detectives.
Mark:They're meddlesome troublemakers who live in dingy offices above chip shops. I want an office above a chip shop.
Sarah:You'd hate that because you know what else they sell?
Mark:Fish.
Sarah:Yes.
Mark:Puarra is about to leave, and then he says, that's true except for Juan. Yeah. And he said he then he talks about
Sarah:It's so sweet. How Poirot is the best. It's so nice.
Mark:The doyen of the police force.
Sarah:And then Poirot does the right thing and walks away instead of stepping up. It's me.
Mark:I am the best. No. That is the right thing.
Sarah:Absolutely.
Mark:He needs
Sarah:And it just reminds you, Jap is on tour, basically. So he's saying that every time he gives his talk in all these places, he's saying that.
Mark:He's raising money for the benevolent fund. He's not doing it for himself. No. Because I think Poirot at first was like, is Jack getting
Sarah:Paid off of pretending he solved the cases that I helped him with. You know?
Mark:Yeah. He I think he's that. But then then it's not
Sarah:the case. Sweet. Yes. It's so nice. Doesn't doesn't happen in the story, but it's really touching.
Mark:We go right into the weird dream, and then we have the confrontation. Right? Yeah. So the young girl and the woman in the wheelchair arrive early, and they're waiting for the man, the American.
Sarah:The constables are over at the next table. Yes. Dressed in street clothes.
Mark:Being all constable y. Looking like morons.
Sarah:Yes. Did you recognize one of them?
Mark:Yes. He's been in lots of stuff.
Sarah:It's Constable Flagg. He's the one with the mustache. He's played by Gerard Horan. He was in a Midsummer. He was in Let Us Pray in season 16.
Sarah:But more recently, he is the head of the club in the Detectorists.
Mark:That's right. He is the head of the Detectorists.
Sarah:As soon as I saw him, I was like, look. It's the head of the detectors, and he's such a baby. His hair's dark and everything.
Mark:Everybody's such a baby.
Sarah:But I've I just the senior constable has mistakenly sought with his back to the action and he's regretting it. Right? And then Flag, the younger guy, is just eating sandwiches in one bite and narrating nothing's happening nothing's happening. Pretty soon this the other constable just got his head in his hands like because they're waiting for wood to show up because his car is broken now. Just I could watch those 2.
Sarah:Yes. They certainly don't take any flack off of Hastings. No. They trust him initially. Like, hey.
Sarah:This guy knows what's going on. Let's go with him. Let's, yeah, let's chase these people. Let's let's do this. But then when it turns out they're just running off to elope, they're like, why aren't you big smart city boy?
Sarah:Whatever captain. Yep.
Mark:You know? Town mouse. So bake, Baker would have arrives and is like, it's a man, baby.
Sarah:Why do Mary and miss Penn agree?
Mark:I do not know. I do not know. It makes no sense.
Sarah:I think they're still trying to get the miniatures back. I guess. So they're playing along
Mark:to get the back. Obviously recognizes her right away.
Sarah:Yeah. And they're like, oh, my aunt feels sick. We're we're gonna go yeah. We're gonna
Mark:go love how she just takes off
Sarah:in the chair. If only she'd, like, pulled her skirt up real high and, like, showed off, like, little skinny legs to run with.
Mark:You know? And the cops stop her right away, which is nice. And then the young girl who we thought was the picture of innocence from the very beginning
Sarah:is no smarter than her aunt is and tries to run too.
Mark:Yep. After saying you knew.
Sarah:Like, where where were you gonna go? Yes. Home? They're gonna be there. You.
Sarah:She she snarls her lip.
Mark:Yeah.
Sarah:She She really changes
Mark:her face. Acting job.
Sarah:For that? Yeah. She that actress has only been in, like, three things.
Mark:Yeah. So then we have the last scene where we find out that Puarro actually came as we suspected to see Jap.
Sarah:He has the the newspaper clipping.
Mark:Yes. So On the back of it, speak learn to speak French like French. I like that.
Sarah:So did miss Penn buy the miniatures fair and square, or do you think they're stolen to begin with?
Mark:I think they're probably either stolen to begin with or fakes.
Sarah:Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
Mark:They're criminals. They do stuff like that.
Sarah:They do? Yes. They do. Criminals break law and stuff?
Mark:Criminals break the laws and stuff.
Sarah:I didn't know that. I hadn't thought about that. I really enjoy Poirot trying not to solve the case for Hastings.
Mark:And this is the 2nd time he's done?
Sarah:Letting Hastings try to figure it out Yeah. And then not rubbing it in his face when Hastings is wrong. No. He's on the right track. He's not completely off, but he hasn't quite
Mark:figured that. How much he loves Hastings.
Sarah:Yes.
Mark:And he does.
Sarah:Yes. Really, it should end with Poirot and Hastings and Jap giving each other, like, a high five, like, a three way high five.
Mark:Yeah. And pausing.
Sarah:Yeah. Like jumping Jumping. Yeah. With a triple high five, and it pauses right there.
Mark:Miss Lemmy's entire story is not known to them.
Sarah:Oh, they yeah. They'll have no idea that happened because she will not tell them. And if the doorman tells them,
Mark:she'll kill him. I I think she would.
Sarah:She has very high standards for herself.
Mark:I wonder if he manages the cold troll.
Sarah:He wishes he managed the cold troll. He aspires to be the cold troll.
Mark:So I have a question. We've seen this a lot in Christie. Mhmm. Do we expect anyone who is in a wheelchair to not need the wheelchair?
Sarah:It's a trope. Yes. It's less of a trope now. Yes. The older the show is or the story is, the more likely it is that that could be a trick.
Sarah:Now You don't do that now.
Mark:Body in the living room, in the Library. Body in the library. Old Jeff is in a wheelchair, but he was in as a explosion.
Sarah:He's old.
Mark:He's old and wasn't in explosion.
Sarah:Yes. It's it's not all that common, but you do have to suspect. Yeah. Just in case. Less maybe more so than does Mary have a twin?
Sarah:You know, like, could there be a twin?
Mark:Yeah. It's not that tropey, but it's still pretty tropey.
Sarah:So I don't have a bad movie for you this week, but I do have a bad movie. But not for you to guess because I there's no way you've ever seen it. Yeah. But I couldn't not mention it. So Elspeth Gray, who plays miss Penn.
Sarah:Yes. She's an older actress. She's been in movies and shows for a long time.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:She was in a 1949 movie
Mark:Okay.
Sarah:Called The Gay Lady.
Mark:The Gay Lady.
Sarah:Not gay late. Not gay lady. The gay lady.
Mark:Gay lady. But the Hey, gay lady.
Sarah:The best part of it is the tagline.
Mark:Are you ready for this? Okay.
Sarah:From her wink to her mink, this lady was gay.
Mark:There's no judgment there.
Sarah:Talk about things that don't go over now. Yes. People on wheelchairs getting up and walking and saying from her weight to her mink, this lady was gay. Like, that's on the that's the poster. Boom.
Sarah:The gay lady.
Mark:Wow. The gay lady.
Sarah:I wonder if she if she ran in that one or had a mustache. Probably not.
Mark:Don't know.
Sarah:She was rather glamorous when she was younger.
Mark:So they go to jail. This age.
Sarah:Yeah. I'd say. They've probably done this before.
Mark:Now gold, not gold. Is this a name gold? Wood?
Sarah:Wood. Now wood Some other basic material.
Mark:Now wood Stone. Paid $7,000 for them. Yeah. Pounds.
Sarah:Yeah.
Mark:He's not getting that back, I don't think.
Sarah:Well, it depends if they still have it. If they find it in in miss Penn's place
Mark:I guess but then he doesn't get the miniatures.
Sarah:Yeah. I don't think he can have the miniatures, unfortunately.
Mark:I don't think so either.
Sarah:But it also depends how they got them. Yes. If they stole them from somebody else
Mark:Then they should go to the rightful owner.
Sarah:They should go back to that person. And if that person wants to sell them, if they're worth 1500 and he he pays 7,000, they might be willing to sell them since they've been without them this long.
Mark:So is the other troll
Sarah:Is he Wait a minute. When they're when they bring the couple to him to say, are these are either of these the old lady? Is he looking at a giant book of miniatures?
Mark:I think so.
Sarah:Okay. I just wanted to be sure. It's a humongous book and on each page is a tiny picture.
Mark:In his castle hotel.
Sarah:Yes. He's got the giant book of miniatures.
Mark:He
Sarah:is. Those are my goddamn miniatures.
Mark:Quintessential I'm a rich American that you can take advantage of.
Sarah:I have no taste. How British.
Mark:Do you think Poirot goes on tour with Hastings? No. With sorry.
Sarah:With Jap. No. No. It's Jap's show.
Mark:Because they know now. They absolutely know.
Sarah:Knows that Jap is not taking credit. Yeah. And he's doing a good thing. He's totally fine with it. He's gonna wish him luck on the rest of his tour.
Mark:What do you think Japs slide deck looks like?
Sarah:I don't know, but I like his headshot.
Mark:Yeah. He's got a headshot.
Sarah:That's pretty fancy. Yeah. You know? And we always joke about Jap being the only detective in all of the UK at this time because he he is on a case no matter how far away it is. It could be in the north of Scotland, and JAP would show up to solve
Mark:the case. Metropolitan Police kinda act like the FBI Apparently. British shows.
Sarah:Yeah. Yeah. But the assumption that all of these little WIs would recognize JAP's name
Mark:They're in the papers.
Sarah:I suppose people used to read the paper like that, including how to speak French like a Frenchman.
Mark:Okay. That is
Sarah:Are you gonna have a dream tonight?
Mark:What is it?
Sarah:Like me speaking and somebody else's voice and No.
Mark:Sarah woke up last night confused if she had submitted the grocery order or not. And I reassured her as to what day it is. She does not believe this happened.
Sarah:I don't remember it at all. I do worry I'm gonna forget to place the grocery order.
Mark:But you did not speak in my voice when you woke up.
Sarah:I didn't. No. That's good because that would have been creepy. And the dog didn't speak in my voice. No.
Sarah:Olive at the foot of the bed going, daddy, did I forget the grocery order?
Mark:Is she British? No. Yeah.
Sarah:I don't know. What voice would she do? Would she speak French like a Frenchman? She's a Frenchie.
Mark:So what is the double sin here?
Sarah:I have no idea.
Mark:Alright. The double sin is they pretend to have them, and then they they sell them again to him. Like, that's the double part.
Sarah:So it's a double double
Mark:trick. It's a double
Sarah:trick. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if I would call it a sin.
Mark:Yeah. I think I think Christy is just, like, either heard or thought of this confidence game.
Sarah:Or is it double because there's 2 of them Maybe. And they're working together.
Mark:Of this confidence game and wanting to add it as a story. Yeah. Wanted to talk about miniatures and mustaches.
Sarah:So many people pretending to be other people poorly. Yes. Maybe that's the double sin.
Mark:Maybe.
Sarah:It's a sin that they're so bad at disguises.
Mark:That foofy bow ties is sin.
Sarah:Poirot looks like Lemony Snicket in that coat.
Mark:Yes. He does.
Sarah:Or like 2 kids piled on top of each other. Yes. And one has a really good mustache and a receding airline. Bobby looks older than he is, but he's still really short. That's Poirot as a child.
Sarah:He's he rides on some kid's shoulder while they're wearing a coat. Yes.
Mark:Okay. The story the question for next week.
Sarah:Is what new activity or hobby could Joyce or Sarah Barney be get involved in that would result in a murder? In my opinion, the crazier, the better.
Mark:Yep. I would agree.
Sarah:She's done watercolors, amateur dramatics, history societies.
Mark:All those things.
Sarah:Those are all claimed.
Mark:You must come up with something new. So our next issue episode is 211.
Sarah:The adventure of the cheap flat. Why was it so cheap?
Mark:Which has familiar face in it. Samantha Bond is a child. Mhmm.
Sarah:It's a good one. They're all good ones.
Mark:Yes.
Sarah:So until then
Mark:Which will be August 19th. Until then, bye, maniacs.
Sarah:Bye, maniacs.
Mark:Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word. Bye, maniacs.
Sarah:But Superman was an alien.
Mark:But no. No. But he came to Earth as a baby.
