Episode 230 | Mystery Maniacs | The Brokenwood Mysteries | "Bride Not to Be" | Worst Bachelorette Party Ever!
E230

Episode 230 | Mystery Maniacs | The Brokenwood Mysteries | "Bride Not to Be" | Worst Bachelorette Party Ever!

Sarah:

We greet each other in the hallway at work going, bobber, bobber.

Mark:

Hey, Maniac. Hey, Mystery Maniacs. Mystery Maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of a show including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love this week.

Sarah:

Bride Not to Be, Broken Wood season five episode two. I'm Mark. I'm Sarah. Oh, boy.

Mark:

I feel

Sarah:

a lot better.

Mark:

We couldn't have felt much worse.

Sarah:

So Whatever you do, don't get the norovirus. It's twenty four hours of hell followed by a week of purgatory.

Mark:

I'm assuming we had norovirus and stomach flu at the same time.

Sarah:

At the same time.

Mark:

And it it affected it affected Sarah and I. This is why we didn't have an episode last week. It affected Sarah and I within minutes of each other.

Sarah:

So we go to bed on a Wednesday night. Happy as clams. Fall asleep. No problem. At midnight, I'm feeling nauseous, so I get up.

Sarah:

And while I'm being sick, I hear Mark run past the master bathroom into the hall bathroom and get sick. So we're both sitting in the floor of our bathrooms, a hall, hall and a bend away from each other every hour, on the hour, all night long.

Mark:

You didn't sleep that night at all.

Sarah:

Oh my gosh. One of our kids no. Our kids don't drive. Don't ask me why. But, walked to Kroger for us and brought us back, like, grown up Pedialyte and saved our lives.

Sarah:

Oh my god. We were gonna die.

Mark:

We're not well. And then it came back at me.

Sarah:

Yeah. It

Mark:

had a second round.

Sarah:

If we hadn't both been sick at the end of the first twenty four hours, I was gonna say, I think I need to go to the hospital. I think I need an IV. But the thought of both of us being in the waiting room at the local hospital for hours being sick, like, they wouldn't know which one of us to treat. Oh. You know, they would have had to take us both.

Mark:

It was not good.

Sarah:

It was bad. So wash your hands up to your elbows. Don't trust anybody else to have done it. Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah:

I I wash because I work in a building with a ton of students in it.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

And I see them rush out of the bathroom without washing their hands. So I don't trust anybody to have washed their hands, and I scrub mine, like, nine times a day.

Mark:

And I'm gonna have to say roast chicken is off the menu.

Sarah:

Oh, we're never eating

Mark:

that again.

Sarah:

And speaking of sickness while we're on the topic, thank you so much to everybody who sent such nice messages.

Mark:

I couldn't believe all the messages we got on social media, telling us, a, it was okay to postpone an episode and b, to get well.

Sarah:

When I wasn't sure if I was gonna live or if I wanted to, it was really nice to see that other people were cheering us on because I certainly didn't feel like I was ever gonna get better. It was nice to know other people thought we would.

Mark:

And I read out all the messages to Sarah.

Sarah:

Yeah. While we were sitting on the couch going, oh.

Mark:

Well, we're all better now. So

Sarah:

So thank you for all the kind messages. We appreciate it.

Mark:

Thank you so much.

Sarah:

But we're better now.

Mark:

Yes. We've recovered completely. Oh, boy. Did we get an email? It was, like, from the past.

Mark:

Yeah. We got an email from Mark.

Sarah:

Every once in a while, because of I think because of the topic of the podcast, because we talk about mysteries.

Mark:

Mhmm.

Sarah:

And people who like mysteries don't just like mystery shows. They like mysteries in general, and they're the kind of people who when they need to know something can't leave it alone.

Mark:

That's the

Sarah:

kind of people that listen to us, and that's the kind of people we are too.

Mark:

And we ask questions and then just

Sarah:

We just hope maybe somebody figures it out and lets us know. And if they do, great. And if they don't but, seldomly, do we get an answer to a question that was, what, 200 episodes ago?

Mark:

Almost 200 episodes ago.

Sarah:

Which is awesome. We got one this week.

Mark:

We mentioned a poster in episode 73. So this is the, lady Felicia screaming into the night episode.

Sarah:

Midsummer. Yeah. Yeah. And it was a poster in the cop shop that was some kind of road crossing poster.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And I think there was a kid, like, face down in the road or something.

Mark:

Multiple kids in different positions. The same kid in multiple positions.

Sarah:

But we couldn't read the text on it. No. And we said, hey. If anybody's familiar with it, let us know what it says. Mark found out.

Mark:

Yes. So Mark found that the campaign an article about the campaign in the BBC News, and it was for pedestrian young pedestrian safety. So you think the posters must they they say 55 teenagers a week wish they'd given the road their full attention Yeah. Because they're doing something.

Sarah:

I guess 55 kids get hit by cars

Mark:

I guess so.

Sarah:

Trying to cross the road.

Mark:

But his last line of his email is chef's kiss. The last line of his email does spending forty five minutes on this project during the working day qualify me as a mystery maniac?

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

Yes. It does.

Sarah:

Gold star mystery maniac.

Mark:

Gold star.

Sarah:

You go. That's just awesome. And when I do something like that, go deep deep deep down a pointless fruitless rabbit hole that is for no real purpose other than I need to know. The satisfaction when you find the answer is so sweet. That So I I hope Mark enjoyed finding that answer, and we really appreciate you doing that.

Mark:

Episode episode number 73, the great and the good Justin's big yellow shy and Nervous balls. Nervous balls was released 02/01/2021. Wow. Four years ago.

Sarah:

I love that.

Mark:

Thank you. That would have been our second February.

Sarah:

That's amazing. That's but, you know, I'm doing that right now to a podcast I'm listening to. Yeah. I this history podcast, I really like. I mean, history doesn't change.

Sarah:

So every time I open up iTunes, I'm like, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, trying to get to the bottom of the list because you can't just sort it by oldest first because it's stupid. Like, scroll. Scroll. You know?

Mark:

See, like, down to the bottom. Like, the rest is history. I search by topic. Yeah. I put the topic in.

Mark:

They don't have one about Gutenberg. I don't like that. They need a printing press episode.

Sarah:

Speaking of funny podcasts, so one of the things I did when I was recovering from the sickness was listen to a bunch of BBC podcasts that I hadn't caught up on, and one of them is a true crime podcast. It doesn't really matter what the case was. What's important was that they were talking about the British detective who was working the case in the, like, eighteen seventies or something whose first name was Bobbert. Bobbert. And I'm now obsessed with Bobbert.

Mark:

She says it quite often.

Sarah:

So much so. And one of the kids and I regularly go on these Bobbert riffs where we go, my name is Bobbert. Hello. I am Bobbert. And we say it to each other, and it's driving Mark and Xander crazy.

Mark:

It is indeed.

Sarah:

And now I've infected my whole team at work because I told them about it, and they think it's fun to say too, Bobbert. And so now we we greet each other in the hallway at work going, Bobbert. Bobbert.

Mark:

And now we have the beginning of that episode noise.

Sarah:

No. I want to infect all of the maniacs with Bobbert. So they're all around the world saying Bobbert to people.

Mark:

Also, a number of, fans thankfully reached out to me mentioning how pleased they were that a certain team beat another certain team in a certain ice based

Sarah:

sport. We beat you.

Mark:

No. We beat you. Who's we? Canada won against the United States. Sarah will tell you.

Mark:

I it's not that I lacked faith in the the Canadian team. They they were incredibly well matched. That was one of the best games of hockey I

Sarah:

ever thought. Meme I've seen of it is, the Monty Python fish slapping meme where they're both standing on the side of the weir, and the the ones the one guy prances over and slaps the other guy on the face with a little fish repeatedly. And then the second guy gets out this gigantic fish and just whacks the other guy into the water, and it's Canada and America. You know? Like, the Americans came up and slapped the Canadians with the little fish.

Sarah:

Yeah. And the Canadians just went,

Mark:

I was pleased we'd won, but if we didn't win, it was overtime. It was like

Sarah:

It was just a good game.

Mark:

Like, they kept doing the stats of the period breaks, and they were exactly the same on both sides. Like, it was a fine game of hockey.

Sarah:

It was fun. Are you ready to talk about Brad not to be

Mark:

I am. 11/04/2018 is when this was released.

Sarah:

Gosh. So long ago.

Mark:

Directed by Katie Wolf. Now Katie Wolf is a name that we should remember because she's actually an actress that appeared in an earlier episode. She was in the spider widows episode. She was the woman who ran the horse farm. Oh.

Mark:

And she's a, Maori woman who whose dad was a sports person personality and, whose mom was Maori. And, she, went to acting school and directing school and is directing this episode. I think it's fantastic.

Sarah:

It's a good episode. I reckon.

Mark:

By Pippa Hall and Tim Baum.

Sarah:

This is not the first episode of of a show that we've covered where a bride dies either on her wedding day or in her wedding dress.

Mark:

This is not also not the first episode of a hen party that we've seen or not the first tennis episode or not the first tennis ball shooting machine episode.

Sarah:

It is a little on the nose that her name is Ophelia, and she dies in the water face up floating, and her boy fiance's last name is Hammett. There there I mean, it's kind of bing bing bing. We get the reference. Okay? We get it.

Mark:

But I think they do it in an interesting way, and that it's not like, oh, okay. Like, Hamlet is indecisive and his father is married to his uncle's married

Sarah:

to his brother. Take it that far.

Mark:

They don't take it.

Sarah:

But it it's a little Lincoln and nod.

Mark:

This boat

Sarah:

that we You mean captain James Cook's boat?

Mark:

Yes. It's a little too close to the shore and too big.

Sarah:

You're just jealous of his boat.

Mark:

I like boats. I wish I had a boat for about an afternoon a year. Yeah. And then I don't wish I had a boat anymore.

Sarah:

He's enjoying himself, though.

Mark:

There's a guy who has, like, a cigarette boat down the street from us. I wanna borrow his boat. I wanna just drive it around for a few hours.

Sarah:

Is it a cigarette boat or a cigar boat? Aren't they called cigar boats?

Mark:

Cigar boats.

Sarah:

Because they're shaped like a cigar.

Mark:

I I just wanna borrow his boat and drive around

Sarah:

And then give it back and not be responsible for the maintenance or anything.

Mark:

Not any of that stuff.

Sarah:

Well, captain Cook's doing the king of the world thing out on the prowl with this coffee.

Mark:

He is, and he runs across Ophelia.

Sarah:

He well, he throws a he throws a lifesaver at her. It doesn't she doesn't do anything. She's not gonna

Mark:

And at first, I was like, he can't run that boat by himself, but he calls back to somebody to stop the boat.

Sarah:

So Yeah. He's not driving it with his mind. I know.

Mark:

Who knows with New Zealand people?

Sarah:

I don't wanna stay at this hotel, this Tidal View Tower.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

First of all, Tidal View Tower is a horrible name. Yes. This is a TVT run by Marcus who's

Mark:

No. No. Horrible. Not run by Marcus. Solely run by Marcus.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

He has no other employees. This is a it's an estate.

Sarah:

Like, just cleaning the rooms would take and and he's got a bar that he's running. He says he's got another event booked, and he's got caterers and stuff coming in. So, clearly, he gets outside help. Maybe he's got a cleaner who just comes in in the afternoon and cleans the rooms.

Mark:

My my sister ran an inn for, I think, fifteen years, and it took her and her husband and her entire family constant work.

Sarah:

Yeah. Well, maybe that's why Marcus is going out of business. Yeah. That and he's a lying jerk.

Mark:

I don't like him. Well, I don't like him.

Sarah:

There's very few likable characters in this. Ophelia, the victim, is really unlikable.

Mark:

Oh, she is

Sarah:

I don't know how she has any friends. Yeah. She's a professional tennis player who's returned to Brokenwood because her dad has passed away, and she's taking care of his estate. But when she was there as a kid, she was clearly a bullying jerk.

Mark:

And just just happens to fall in love with this guy and get married? Like, it seems rebounding. And you usually don't rebound after your dad dies.

Sarah:

Yeah. So They explained that. Her dad was her fixer.

Mark:

Yeah. She

Sarah:

needs a man to take care of stuff.

Mark:

Death of a parent affects you in different ways.

Sarah:

Wow. Especially if you're a jerk to begin with.

Mark:

At the scene of the crime, Mike is cagey about what he's doing.

Sarah:

What what he was interrupted Yes. Doing on Sunday morning?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

We find out later he was line dancing.

Mark:

He says he was line dancing. I think he was at rodeo clown school.

Sarah:

Wild West reenactment club. Something with his boots.

Mark:

He would be a he would do the Wild West reenactment club.

Sarah:

Would too. I

Mark:

think he would.

Sarah:

I think he'd be sheriff. Sheriff Mike. Shepherd. Yep. Sheriff Shepherd.

Sarah:

This town ain't big enough for both of

Mark:

us. He would love that and get into it. I don't think line dancers get like like, okay. Line dancing is a late night activity at bars on the weekends. Mhmm.

Mark:

So why are you doing it Sunday morning?

Sarah:

Maybe he goes to line dancing church.

Mark:

Maybe?

Sarah:

It's a different kind of church.

Mark:

Yeehaw. Welcome to line dancing church.

Sarah:

We cleared out the pews so we could dance for Jesus in lines. But it's gotta be, like,

Mark:

it's gotta be New Zealand too. We play too.

Sarah:

We can't do New Zealand accents. Don't even try.

Mark:

I love how he Bree keeps saying, captain Cook found the body, and Mike's like, what?

Sarah:

No. Yeah. They they enjoy that little, like, name joke, and nobody comments on Ophelia and Hammitt.

Mark:

No. Now she is a international tennis player.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

If an international tennis player died in this way, even off the circuit, do you not think somebody from the noose would show up?

Sarah:

Okay. Yeah. If this was Martina Navratilova or something or one of the Williams sisters, you bet the press would be there. And she's obviously very successful at it Yes. And has the personality to boot.

Sarah:

So I would think there would be press who would be interested in her.

Mark:

Also, those people, apart from her father and her boyfriend, have people who work for him.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah. They got managers.

Mark:

PA and a manager and stuff like that.

Sarah:

Well, but if she just went home because her dad passed away, maybe she didn't want that stuff around her. You know? Just I'm just gonna go. Leave me alone.

Mark:

I love how they could find a body that was decapitated, and Sims could say, I think the cause of death is decapitation. And Gina would

Sarah:

be like,

Mark:

no. Don't jump to conclusions. It could be drowning.

Sarah:

We don't know yet. Sims? If Mike said it was decapitation, Gina would say, you're probably right. Jesus, the the body was garrotted. Yep.

Sarah:

And Sims is like, you mean, like, medieval garrotes? It's like Yeah. I'm surprised Gina didn't say, well, you know, the KGB used garrotes until, like, the nineteen eighties or something.

Mark:

So Or guards or belts or later also.

Sarah:

Yeah. Was there a Bavarian at the party? Yes. They they talk about garats. You do you know what a garat is?

Mark:

Yeah. It's like a wire or a string that's on handles that allows you to facilitate the strangulation of an individual.

Sarah:

Quickly wrap it around somebody's throat and use the handles for leverage. Yeah. Right? I have several garotes in the garage.

Mark:

Yeah. Because you use them to cut, To cut clay. Clay.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like, every basic clay sculpting kit comes with a garat. Yes. Not that I'm gonna use it that way.

Mark:

Well, I hope not.

Sarah:

I've got it in case I need it. A strap wrench would probably do it too.

Mark:

Help me.

Sarah:

But that's not the most common form of garrot. Oh, okay. And by common, I mean, most widely used to kill people, garrot. Because in Spain, for almost a hundred years, the official government form of execution was garrote. Oh.

Sarah:

Did you know that?

Mark:

No. How did they do that? Was that the strap around

Sarah:

them? From 1828 to 1897, the official form of execution in Spain was garrote, but it was a garroting chair.

Mark:

Yes. So you sat in the chair, and the thing went around your neck.

Sarah:

A strap goes around your neck.

Mark:

And that shows up in a later episode. Remember?

Sarah:

The garroting chair. Yes. But the first record we have of somebody using a garrote is in, the first century BC in Rome.

Mark:

Which we know because we are aware of the timeline in history is not medieval. No.

Sarah:

They weren't even really all that popular in medieval times except for assassins because it's quiet.

Mark:

I guess. Yeah.

Sarah:

And they didn't have machine guns. You know? They they were limited on their choices. This is the worst bachelorette party ever.

Mark:

This is

Sarah:

Even before Ophelia dies. The the the bachelorette is a jerk Yeah. That nobody really likes. Her maid of honor is pregnant with her fiance's baby.

Mark:

Nikki's there for some reason.

Sarah:

Nikki, the rich broke girl is there as is Frodo's not girlfriend, Kim.

Mark:

Yes. And then I'm not his girlfriend.

Sarah:

And then four other random ladies who get drunk and leave.

Mark:

I have in my notes. Why is she living? Why is Nikki living with Frodo's not girlfriend?

Sarah:

And, apparently, the party started by going thrift shopping for ugly dresses.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

That's what that's what they did first.

Mark:

And and involved actual worm eating.

Sarah:

Like, tequila worms are stupid.

Mark:

It's just dumb. Dumb. And then the 50 year old stripper

Sarah:

shows up. Oh my gosh.

Mark:

Hey. Isn't that your dad?

Sarah:

We need a stripper for the party. I know. Let's call our friends dad. No.

Mark:

And by friend, I mean, the person in high school that we Bullied. Bullied

Sarah:

mercilessly. But can you imagine, though? Okay. Because you grew up in a small town where everybody knew each other. Right?

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

You you go home. Let's say you you decided to go home to have your bachelor party Okay. Because you had friends there.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

I know that's not the case with you, but let's say you did.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

And the stripper shows up, and it's your elementary school friend's mom

Mark:

Ugh.

Sarah:

That you remember giving you Kool Aid and cookies after school, and now she's stripping for the party. No. I would be horrified. Like, get out of here. Never mind the

Mark:

fact that he's a physio on top of it.

Sarah:

Well, you're either a stripper or you work at the tennis club or both.

Mark:

Far both.

Sarah:

Or maybe you work at a tea shop.

Mark:

Or

Sarah:

Chantelle works at

Mark:

the tea shop. Interpreter.

Sarah:

Yeah. Well, yeah, she's got a job.

Mark:

Oh, more on the tea shop. I got stuck in a rabbit hole. The rabbit hole I got stuck in is when they show the car license plate real quick.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

The Which car? The car in the parking lot of the hotel. I forget who owns the car. Okay. It has a dealership name around it, and I found the dealership.

Mark:

And then I read this incredibly sad story about the family that ran that dealership losing their franchise after thirty eight years.

Sarah:

Do we do we wanna know if it's sad?

Mark:

No. No. Okay. It's it it just it the the New Zealand car market was changing, and they were changing with it. Were you But it was weird that, like,

Sarah:

I was a real franchise. Were you surprised that Kristen knows sign language?

Mark:

Not really because you always need a character who knows that. And I know a lot of cops know a little bit of a lot of stuff. Like, I bet your cops in this town know a little bit of Spanish, a little bit of other things.

Sarah:

I bet you none of them knows braille.

Mark:

Probably not.

Sarah:

More likely that somebody knows a bit of sign language than that they can read Braille. So if you wanna get away with a crime and you need to leave a note, leave it in Braille.

Mark:

The ride back to the station with the three hungover hands and Mike is the best.

Sarah:

He's driving just knowing that one of them is gonna throw up in

Mark:

his car.

Sarah:

Somebody's gonna throw up in his car. So Kahu works at the tennis club. Yeah. Alex works at the tennis club. The strip Alex the stripper.

Sarah:

Scotty, the boyfriend, works at the tennis club. Does Darren?

Mark:

Darren doesn't, and Darren's friend works at the the, hotel. Because remember, he's waiting for him to get off. Peter?

Sarah:

Yeah. Peter works at the Tidal View Tower?

Mark:

Yeah. The because remember, they they go the stripper takes him home. Oh,

Sarah:

so it isn't just Marcus who runs it. Marcus and Peter. Right?

Mark:

Yes. There's two of them.

Sarah:

I don't know why Peter's in the episode. Two of them. Really serve a purpose. Yeah. He's purposeless Peter.

Mark:

It it I was like, are they gay? And then he's like, oh, I love Zoe. And I'm like, I guess he's not gay.

Sarah:

Well and Peter's also deaf. Right? So it's not like he's helpful in that way that he's Darren's friend and his fluent sign language.

Mark:

Know why he's in the episode.

Sarah:

He's purpose purposeless Peter at the Title View Title View Tower.

Mark:

The stag party is at the tennis club, and we hear

Sarah:

Let's have the party where I work. Yeah. That'll be fun.

Mark:

Because I'm a weirdo. Even though it looks similar, the tennis club is not the golf course from the previous episode.

Sarah:

No. They do look very similar, though. From the episode where the lady gets sprayed in the face with the pesticide

Mark:

Yes. I

Sarah:

They are a similarly kind of, like, community club.

Mark:

I may have taken pictures, but yes.

Sarah:

With a bar. Yep. Yeah.

Mark:

And this is where we find out the cop strip stripper also works there.

Sarah:

Right. And that Ophelia was garroted with something that wasn't typical.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And Gina thinks it could be braces from lederhosen.

Mark:

Or garter belts. Or What kind of garter belts are you wearing that you could strangle somebody with? Lederhosen, I understand. They're leather. They're leather.

Mark:

Are you wearing leather garter belts?

Sarah:

Well, how big is your thigh? It's gonna go around somebody's head? That's a big thigh. Because, you know, there's not a buckle on a garter belt. You have to slide it up your leg.

Sarah:

Or or unless unless they meant, like, garter belt, like, the one that goes around your waist and has the straps that go down and click onto your hose. Maybe? That maybe. Because that's like an elastic with some kind of closure on it.

Mark:

But that's not the garter belt.

Sarah:

Yeah. It it it is literally

Mark:

a belt. Yeah. Well, it goes around belt part. Yes.

Sarah:

We'd said belt. But when we think of garter belt, we think of one of those little ones that slides up your leg

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

That a a bride wears and then jerky husbands put on their rearview mirror. Gross.

Mark:

Oh, wait, Sarah. This episode needs a stupid gambling subplot red herring. No. It doesn't.

Sarah:

All I thought

Mark:

is that Doesn't need that at all.

Sarah:

Gina is like, were there any Bavarians at the party? And I thought, were there any Spanish executioners at the party?

Mark:

I don't think so.

Sarah:

Somebody at a garage. Yeah. The gambling thing. The whole I don't know. Marcus.

Mark:

Marcus is is so bad. This is a collection of unlikable people.

Sarah:

But they it's like they don't know that Marcus is an old guy. Yeah. Because he's betting he's trying to play against, like, basically, the tennis club

Mark:

pro Champion?

Sarah:

The pro, and thinks he's gonna beat him. He thinks people are gonna believe that that Nicki wanted to sleep with him. Yeah. No way. Nobody's gonna believe that.

Mark:

No. I mean, it's just This like, okay. This hen party is four suspects. Well, sorry. The bride and three suspects, four nonsuspects who left early, who who did the

Sarah:

right thing names.

Mark:

Who did the right thing leaving early, and two middle aged men, one of which is a stripper. It's a bad hen party.

Sarah:

But you're forgetting in the background. Purposeless Peter is there too.

Mark:

Oh, yes.

Sarah:

Sorry. Apparently, hanging out.

Mark:

Well, the the boyfriend and his deaf brother don't show up until after the party. So

Sarah:

his brother.

Mark:

Oh, his friend. Yeah. It's not really Scotty and Darren. Scotty and Darren aren't really at the party, the hen party.

Sarah:

No. They come over to to tell Ophelia that Chantelle is pregnant with Scotty's baby.

Mark:

Or Worst

Sarah:

10 party ever. Or so Scotty and Ophelia can make out. I don't know which one or the other.

Mark:

We're not sure.

Sarah:

We're not sure. Either way, Darren being there, awkward.

Mark:

Darren does such a good job at looking awkward Yeah. On the bed.

Sarah:

He's out and then he's outside smoking. He doesn't even look like he smokes. Like, I'm just doing

Mark:

something. I'm away from all of that.

Sarah:

Away from that.

Mark:

But it's not the biggest mystery of the episode. The biggest mystery of the episode, Sarah, is something that you did not notice. I pointed it out to you. You did not notice. At the cop shop, when they're talking about all these things, behind the murder board on another whiteboard is written the following.

Mark:

Please wash and return all mugs. This means you, Nigel.

Sarah:

Dun dun dun.

Mark:

Nigel is underlined. What did Nigel do?

Sarah:

So he either doesn't wash his mugs or he doesn't return his mugs or both, I guess.

Mark:

I I don't like, that sort of passive aggressiveness is fantastic.

Sarah:

Who do you think wrote it?

Mark:

I I think Sims wrote it.

Sarah:

Well, it's typical passive aggressive workplace note Oh. Making.

Mark:

Most definitely.

Sarah:

Like like, in the kitchen in my office, there are two signs. One says, your mother doesn't work here. Oh. I don't know who put it up. Yep.

Sarah:

And the other one says, sodas are for bridge employees only. Now you you No. I'm a I'm a bridge employee.

Mark:

You worked in this place called The Bridge, which is really the executive suite of the business school.

Sarah:

It's called The Bridge because it connects it goes over the road connecting two buildings.

Mark:

This is the fanciest office in in the business school. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And they have a sign that says, your mother doesn't work.

Mark:

Here.

Sarah:

Yeah. Well, it's in the kitchen where, you know, like, wealthy donors wouldn't go.

Mark:

At least it doesn't say your mother doesn't work here, Sarah. If I was Nigel, I might be, suggesting this is a hostile workplace.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

But then we see Nigel later on. Nigel arrives with the Thai food, and they go, thank you, Nigel. I'm like, don't forget to do your chores. Yes.

Sarah:

Dropping off delivery food does not excuse you from washing your mug, Nigel.

Mark:

But it says wash and return. Did he take some mugs home?

Sarah:

He's a mug smuggler. Mugs.

Mark:

All all these broken wood police force mugs at home.

Sarah:

He's got a he's got a shrine of them at home. So And they've all got Kristen's lipstick on them. Before that, though, Sims So Sims says to Kristen, well, when you work with two sex gods Yes. And Mike makes the coals to Newcastle comment.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And they both go, what? Cold to what?

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

And he's like, never mind.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

Do you know what he means?

Mark:

He means you can't sell coal to people in Newcastle because that's where all the coal comes from.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like, you can't

Mark:

take It's ice to the Eskimos.

Sarah:

Right. It's ice to Eskimos. Exactly. But there's also this,

Mark:

like And other incredibly racist things for me to say.

Sarah:

There's also a great Scottish punk band called Coles to Newcastle, and he's always making music references. I thought, is he making a reference to that punk band?

Mark:

Maybe. I don't think so.

Sarah:

I don't think so. But it would have been funny if he was. But he listens to country music,

Mark:

so he

Sarah:

never mind. We find out that Alex is the freelance stripper and is Zoe's dad.

Mark:

Zoe is the interpreter. Do you think she has another job?

Sarah:

I no. I don't. Because I think she's kinda fragile. I think she's

Mark:

Now I think we

Sarah:

see her way into working in general.

Mark:

I think we see Zoe again, but really up until the point where her father confesses to the killing. And even a little bit further than that, I thought Zoe was the killer because she acts nervous and suspicious.

Sarah:

Well, that's so red herring, though.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

I love that Nikki is so stereotyped, but then lives up to the stereotype at every opportunity. Like

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

I have to go. My aunt's in the hospital. Okay. You don't have an oh, never mind. She's gone.

Sarah:

Yep. Oh, and she's got the dead woman's credit card, and she's off buying stuff with it. What? It's she's not that stupid, is she? I mean, come on.

Mark:

She obviously lost the golf course and the house and half the town because remember, her family owned it all.

Sarah:

She should be incredibly wealthy.

Mark:

But, no, she's living with Frodo's girlfriend. No. He's not my girlfriend.

Sarah:

We should just have a sound clip that we just hot key on the board Yeah. To play Frodo's not my my boyfriend. Certainly, nobody's gonna believe that she hooked up with Marcus.

Mark:

No. Why does he even say that? It doesn't give him anything at all, not an alibi or anything like that.

Sarah:

I I think he's such a jerk face.

Mark:

Now her going out the window and having psychotic, psychodiol and look for glowworms.

Sarah:

Yeah. That's totally Nikki.

Mark:

Totally expect Nikki to do.

Sarah:

He I think he's so self delusional, and he thought people would believe it. And he thinks so little of her Yeah. That he thinks people will believe it. Well, she's skanky anyway.

Mark:

So Yeah.

Sarah:

You know, which he basically says.

Mark:

Missus m shows up and discusses the language of flowers and then leaves.

Sarah:

She quotes Hamlet and leaves. And then we find out Frodo's got yet another new job.

Mark:

Yes. He's running. Finally, Frodo is selling coffee.

Sarah:

Not not at his own coffee truck yet.

Mark:

No. It's Ricardo's coffee truck.

Sarah:

But what jobs has he had? He's been a lawn a landscape guy.

Mark:

Yep. He ran the the ice cream place. The hot dog truck. Somebody suggested that we hate too many

Sarah:

Frodo dogs, and that's why. That's how we got sick?

Mark:

Well, I don't know.

Sarah:

Looking at a Frodo dog almost made me sick.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

He's worked at the auto body car shop.

Mark:

The car shop.

Sarah:

That's five jobs. Yeah. Has he had any other jobs? What job did he have in the bachelor party episode when the first one where the guy got shot?

Mark:

Oh, he's working at the That's the car shop. It's he works at two different car shops.

Sarah:

Yeah. What's he gonna be next time?

Mark:

He I think it's coffee from now on. He's not in the next episode.

Sarah:

They go to the hospital because there's a victim in the hospital, and the surgeon comes in and pulls his mask down, and it's Frodo. Frodo's discount surgery.

Mark:

Frodo's psychiatry, physiotherapy, and stripping. No, Frodo. No, Frodo. No.

Sarah:

That's going job Frodo cannot have. Frodo's discount animal husbandry and breeding. No. No. No.

Sarah:

I'm here

Mark:

to collect the sample.

Sarah:

No, Frodo. Get out of here.

Mark:

Would you like me to dance while

Sarah:

I'm here? That's how he gets it. He moves the animal by dancing.

Mark:

Frodo animal stripper.

Sarah:

And biological sample collection.

Mark:

Wow. We have gone off the rails, and that woman is certainly not that person's girlfriend.

Sarah:

I'm gonna give you a note that says to meet me at the wharf. Wharf. It's a dock.

Mark:

It's a dock. Why call

Sarah:

it a wharf? Kristen reveals that she's tricky. Yes. Because she's willing to lie.

Mark:

About being a florist.

Sarah:

I don't know what the rest of that conversation was supposed to be. Right? The idea is that she gets the hospital to tell her whether auntie Ruth or whatever her name is is in the hospital. Right? But she doesn't know her name.

Sarah:

Yeah. So she's gonna call and say, I've got a delivery for somebody whose first name is Ruth or Anne or Renee or whatever her name is.

Mark:

Maybe.

Sarah:

And they're gonna give her the last name and the room numb I don't

Mark:

Well, you know, if it's a cop and they answer the phone, they just shout no no no into the phone. But if it's a florist, oh, let me look up that information for you.

Sarah:

A cop, they say, I'm sorry. We can't give you any patient information. But if it's a florist, they say, yeah. Aunt Renee, who had bypass surgery and is doing very well and is typo, is in Room 212 and is right now wearing a red hospital gown. Like, yeah.

Sarah:

They'll just give you everything. I just I I find it fun that they call her the florist of Broken Wood. Yes. Which sounds like an assassin's name or something. Yes.

Sarah:

Which means Gina would be like the borscht chef of Brooklynwood. Mike is the Line dancer of Brooklynwood. Or the rodeo clown.

Mark:

Yeah. You see Mike in his underwear here.

Sarah:

I didn't need that.

Mark:

I guess?

Sarah:

I mean, he's he broke his leg many years ago, and Alex has to

Mark:

do didn't. It was, like, three episodes ago.

Sarah:

And Alex has to twist it. Yeah. You're right. That's in the the non rear window episode.

Mark:

Yes. So, also, we find out that Fi has a ticket, and the ticket is weird for two reasons. One, she's decided to fly out on my birthday. So my birthday is listed as the time in which she's flying out to The United States.

Sarah:

In a one one person flight. She's not going with Scotty.

Mark:

But weirder is she's flying air broken wood.

Sarah:

I think Frodo owns that too. It's a pedal plate.

Mark:

I'll be your captain. I'm Frodo. Captain Frodo. Frodo air. No wonder that woman jumped out of that plane.

Mark:

And then he just goes, oh, well, she was going to The States. And they go, okay.

Sarah:

Because she was gonna continue her career, and he just had to accept it.

Mark:

What? Alright. Then why is she getting married? She's not. That Chantelle's like, oh, it's a baby.

Sarah:

Chantelle works at the Kiwiland tea room.

Mark:

Which is fantastic.

Sarah:

If it's not a real tea room, it's the best dress set I've ever seen. The chalkboard alone is fantastic.

Mark:

Chalkboards and food out and other customers and tables and menus, I looked for that. I looked in the credits to see if they thanked, a a shop or something.

Sarah:

Restaurant of some sort.

Mark:

None of that.

Sarah:

Well, so here's a challenge to you listeners. On the chalkboard, the menu board

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

At the Kiwi Land tea room is an item called a Filthy Burger, p h I l t h y.

Mark:

Maybe it's like a a Philadelphia sandwich, like a Philly cheesesteak burger, maybe?

Sarah:

Then call it a cheesesteak burger. Why would anybody in New Zealand get that reference? Get that p h I l reference. Yeah. What is a filthy burger?

Sarah:

It's not real. It doesn't exist. We Googled it. We couldn't find an answer. No.

Sarah:

What do you think a filthy burger is? Is it made of meat from Phil? Guy's name Phil? I don't know. We tried to guess.

Sarah:

You guess. Yes. Tell us what you think. What you think is. If I'd said you gotta make a filthy burger, p h I l, filthy burger, what would be on it?

Mark:

The other thing I learned from this episode on careful examination, I learned that anyone who plays tennis for any amount of time, especially with one of those ball machines, gets frustrated and angry. No one is having fun playing tennis

Sarah:

at this tennis. I hate tennis.

Mark:

It's just it looks to be, like, it's like golf. Anyone who plays golf in any of these shows hates playing golf.

Sarah:

They get frustrated.

Mark:

Play golf every day. If it frustrates you so much. I remember when I was playing golf on a regular basis, and if I hit the ball and it didn't go where I wanted it to, I just dropped another ball and hit it again. I didn't care. No.

Mark:

It was it was a day out that I enjoyed being outside.

Sarah:

Well, you weren't playing thousand dollar rounds of tennis.

Mark:

Why is he playing the champion that well? He needs money. Why does he

Sarah:

If he needs money, that's not a good way to win it.

Mark:

Not a good way to win money.

Sarah:

I mean, challenge Peter to a game of tennis, you know, like, not the the club champion.

Mark:

He's also quite an alcoholic.

Sarah:

Well, you made me stay in a hotel with a bar. Yeah. Did we make you drink? Yeah. Marcus, you're a loser.

Sarah:

In every way, we're beating that dead horse. It's dead.

Mark:

Speaking of dead horses

Sarah:

Maybe that's what a filthy burger. Philly, it's a horse burger.

Mark:

It's a horse burger. Well, actually

Sarah:

They do have horse meat in

Mark:

New Zealand, don't they? Horse meat in New Zealand.

Sarah:

We might have just solved it. But that's not how you spell Philly. Is it like a horse that's with an f?

Mark:

No. I don't know. I don't know. Now I'm worried. I do know that speaking of a

Sarah:

It's a dirty horse burger.

Mark:

Speaking of beating a dead horse, Scott is like, look at my bloody hand.

Sarah:

I punched Marcus in his squishy nose.

Mark:

Look at it. It's bloody. My hand.

Sarah:

I busted my knuckles.

Mark:

It's not the best most natural acting.

Sarah:

No. No. Poor Zoe. She's fragile.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

She really is

Mark:

As fragile. As I completely understand. Her mom left when

Sarah:

she was little, which apparently upset her a lot.

Mark:

Drove her dad into stripping. He went right to the pole.

Sarah:

She's struggled with bulimia and anxiety and depression, and she's clearly making big efforts to get her life together.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

She's so nervous to be coming to do this translator job, but wants to do a good job at it.

Mark:

And she also knows Darren isn't telling everything.

Sarah:

And for good reason, she hates Ophelia with a white hot gash.

Mark:

Gosh. I would wanna take a poker and put it into Ophelia's head No. If she said that.

Sarah:

She says Zoe Fuller full of fat. I would have just she was on a crutch. I I would have just choked her out.

Mark:

This is why I thought she was the killer.

Sarah:

Yeah. Because she would have been justified.

Mark:

By the way, Nigel brings Thai food, and Kristen leaves.

Sarah:

Because she's tired of their Thai food. She's tired of their fatty mamas.

Mark:

Yeah. The other winner of this episode is Broken Wood Real Estate. They're cleaning up. They're selling everything.

Sarah:

There's all of Philly's Fee's dad's house.

Mark:

And the hotel.

Sarah:

The TVT. Yep. I think Scotty's kinda brave. Now he's drunk.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

But he's sort of brave to go to the hotel where they're having the bachelorette party to tell Fi that Chantel is pregnant with his baby. And

Mark:

it's actually I

Sarah:

think I would have waited until the next day when everybody was sober.

Mark:

But it is good writing when she says, do you want the baby or do you want me? And he says, I want both. Both. I can be a dad and be your husband.

Sarah:

Because he didn't cheat on her.

Mark:

He didn't cheat on and everyone admits that.

Sarah:

Yeah. He hasn't done anything wrong. And I don't know why Chantel likes him so much.

Mark:

I can't either.

Sarah:

He's not all that likable. Though he does look a lot like, Jack, Whitehall. Yes. If you don't know who Jack Whitehall is, he's a British comedian, and he looks so much like him.

Mark:

He does, but he's so milk toast. He just doesn't do this or that or No. No. Meanwhile, Darren's in the other side of the room going, can I leave

Sarah:

now, please? This is maximum awkward. Even being deaf isn't helping me stay out of this awkward conversation.

Mark:

In the hallway going, glow worms. Yeah.

Sarah:

I saw fairies on the credit card. I am not going to sleep with Marcus. They're taking all these handwriting samples because they have the note. Yes. The 2AM note.

Sarah:

Yes. And they make a big deal out of Alex writing in all caps. And I was like, I write in all caps. Am I the killer?

Mark:

Did you kill her?

Sarah:

Did I do it?

Mark:

Did you use later, Hossen?

Sarah:

Yes. You got me. No. It was Alex the stripper physio killer dead.

Mark:

There's only one way into this place. There's never any one way into any place.

Sarah:

There's a road. Yeah. There's a boat. Yeah. There's a path.

Sarah:

Yeah. There's parachuting.

Mark:

Just to name a few. There's a fence that you could climb over?

Sarah:

No. There's only one way. Yeah. Except the two ways.

Mark:

Well, oh, wait a minute. So the dad is interviewed and as well as admitting to becoming a stripper, he admits that maybe he made a mistake.

Sarah:

That he garroted Fi with her own ugly bridal purse.

Mark:

Okay. So let's talk about the purse because I have a problem.

Sarah:

And why is she carrying a purse in the hotel where she's staying?

Mark:

I do not know. Now I realize that I'm a bit different. When I stop anywhere, I place my wallet, my keys, and my phone in specific areas so I know where they are, but I don't like sitting around with those things in my pocket.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Okay? So I understand that I'm a little different. But if I'm the bride to be at my hen party, I can imagine these things.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

There's only eight of us in the hen party plus the stripper and the middle aged bartender.

Sarah:

And Peter. And Peter. Purposeless Peter. Purposeless beef. Mybert.

Mark:

I would have left it in my room. Yeah. Okay. So then I go back to my room because we've we've hen partied it up. Mhmm.

Sarah:

He

Mark:

ate the worm. Now my boyfriend has to come over and he say he's impregnated another lady while his friend sits awkwardly on the bed. Mhmm.

Sarah:

She has her Purse on the whole time.

Mark:

On the entire time.

Sarah:

Mhmm. Why? There's a couple of things you don't know because you're a man. Okay. Number one, wedding dresses and most women's clothing don't have appropriate pockets.

Mark:

I understand that she doesn't have pockets.

Sarah:

Where is she gonna put her phone? You're not gonna leave your phone in your room.

Mark:

You might hold on to it?

Sarah:

No. You put it in your bra? No. Put your bra on? If pause.

Sarah:

If you have not watched the music video for a song called Brenda Put Your Bra On, go do it right now.

Mark:

I'll put it in the show notes. It's a fantastic It's

Sarah:

an earworm. I've warned you.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

It will get in your head, and you'll never get it out.

Mark:

It's country too. It's epic. Yep.

Sarah:

I love it. Anyway, no. You can't put your phone in your bra because you know what else? What? You can't wear a bra with most wedding gowns.

Mark:

I I get that. I get that. Alright.

Sarah:

So now you've got, like, some kind of wacky corset thing on or, like, if you're not big and down, you got, like, tape on your tatas or whatever, and you're gonna shove a phone in there. It's gonna work its way down into the waist of your dress, fall out the bottom. Why they don't put pockets anything? I don't know.

Mark:

Why is she in her dress?

Sarah:

It's a thing that they're doing.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Right? They're all wearing tacky dresses. This is not her real wedding dress. It's a tacky dress that she bought at the second hand store.

Mark:

Okay. So that's why they don't freak out like Darren doesn't go. Why are you seeing her in her wedding

Sarah:

dress? Exactly. Okay. No. It doesn't matter.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Okay. So there's that. That's one reason why. Two, the bridal industry is a manipulative industry Okay. To the point where they don't even size wedding dresses in the same way they size regular women's clothes.

Sarah:

Okay?

Mark:

Know that.

Sarah:

And they try to make you buy all kinds of useless crap because

Mark:

it's your special day.

Sarah:

Yes. Right? Including ugly ass purses that you're supposed to carry to keep your stuff in.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

They could easily just put a pocket in the big frou frou dress, but, no, you gotta buy an ugly purse.

Mark:

Okay. But you do the worm, and you're drunk, and you come back to your room before your boyfriend comes home. Thing you

Sarah:

do is get that thing off and set it down. Yeah. Absolutely. But she's really drunk, so maybe she's forgotten that she has it on.

Mark:

But then she stomps off with it.

Sarah:

She does. But it's got her phone in it and her athletic tape and her lipstick.

Mark:

Okay. I'm gonna say that this is

Sarah:

I agree with

Mark:

you completely. Sus.

Sarah:

I agree with you completely.

Mark:

But not as sus as, oh, I accidentally wrapped it around your neck and choked you out with it.

Sarah:

Yes. I don't believe for a second that the thing would be made well enough that the strap would be strong enough to actually strangle somebody.

Mark:

I'm sure that was made of plastic, not actual metal.

Sarah:

And I'm really disappointed in Gina that she thought that the strangulation marks from a pearly twisted beaded handle Yeah. Could be Lederhosen. Yes. Those are completely different. Unless, Gina's got a pair of Lederhosen at home that are, like, bejeweled.

Mark:

Maybe. Like those coats that they wear the pearl buttons on.

Sarah:

Yeah. In England.

Mark:

Maybe it's like that.

Sarah:

Maybe she's got bejeweled laterhosen. Maybe that's her thing.

Mark:

She's into it. But Fi comes into her own.

Sarah:

If she does, she's definitely gonna find out where Mike's line dancing class is and wear them to the line dancing class.

Mark:

She is indeed. Fi is a bully. Fi is a horrible human being. Fi's flying on Frodo's airline, but boy, is she a good dead body. Yeah.

Mark:

She's a fantastic in that dress, in the water. She just floats away

Sarah:

Yep. Out to captain Cook.

Mark:

I love how, like okay.

Sarah:

And I guess nobody ran into Alex's stripper wet.

Mark:

No. And they also are very purposeful in saying it's a river. Because if it wasn't a river, the waves would have pushed her back into the water.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

Right? Instead, he gives her a little push and then, like, attaches a small outboard engine, and she'll go

Sarah:

She drifts off. Well, tall is very floaty because it's mostly plastic. I I get it. Skirt is basically plastic netting

Mark:

I more

Sarah:

or less. Be. So it might be kind of, like, you know, like, flotsam and jetsam kind of trash is floaty. It would kinda act the same way, But she gets quite a distance. She's out in the open water

Mark:

by the time

Sarah:

Captain Cook finds her.

Mark:

Again, the is she in the ocean? Is she not in the ocean? Is Captain Cook in the river?

Sarah:

Okay. In New Zealand, I bet all rivers lead to the ocean.

Mark:

Well, all rivers always lead to the ocean.

Sarah:

They could lead to a great lake.

Mark:

That's true. But that great lake then leads to an ocean.

Sarah:

Okay. But that's a lot of distance. Yeah.

Mark:

I guess.

Sarah:

You're out there with the freighters at that point.

Mark:

Isn't it about time that we had a Mentos commercial?

Sarah:

Let's play tennis.

Mark:

Fresh and fun Mentos tennis commercial. Oh, this is mixed doubles. Oh, yes. It is. Like, the whole thing, it should end with them doing freeze frames.

Sarah:

High fives. Hey. Up high. I love that Breen gets to be referee. He's having the most fun.

Sarah:

Yep. And Gina's like, I've wanted to do this since I was a little girl. Thank you. And and she's but she's she's not a tennis player. She may have dreamed about it as a child, but she that's not her thing now.

Sarah:

And yet, she's got the gear. Yeah. Fully coordinated at

Mark:

all fit.

Sarah:

Ready to go.

Mark:

Totally coordinated.

Sarah:

And Mike, who could barely walk twenty minutes ago, is now ready to play.

Mark:

Yeah. And was junior and senior boys champion.

Sarah:

Yeah. But

Mark:

They do that, like It's fun. So there's a scene in Ted Lasso in which Ted shows proficiency in something that people don't think he would be proficient in. It's a fantastic scene.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

He does it in a really great way. It it's spectacular. That is not what happens. Yeah. Mike just goes bonk.

Mark:

Oh, I was junior and senior boys' champ. Yes.

Sarah:

And I'm still just as fit as I was then.

Mark:

Not. And Brie goes, 15 love.

Sarah:

It's alright. Gina's just gonna fly around on their side of the court and Yep. Volley every ball back anyway. It's it's a fun episode. The people who are not likable are really unlikable.

Sarah:

There's no ambiguity, you know? Yeah. So after after the credits, are Scotty and Chantal gonna get together? They're certainly, like okay. They're at least gonna co parent.

Mark:

As we know as we know intimately, when you have children with someone, that person is in your life forever.

Sarah:

Especially if you live in a small town Yes. And neither of you leaves.

Mark:

So I would hope that Scotty and Chantelle formed a positive relationship. Is it romantic? I don't know. Mhmm. But certainly positive.

Sarah:

Is Darren gonna ask Zoe out? I I don't Or is Zoe so screwed up because her dad's a killer that there's no hope?

Mark:

My dad was a killer stripper is should be the headline. Killer stripper head, physio.

Sarah:

And killed somebody basically for me.

Mark:

Yeah. Like, Zoey's gonna have

Sarah:

some rough day. Damaging.

Mark:

She gonna have some rough day.

Sarah:

And now she's on her own. Yeah. She doesn't even have her dad to lean on.

Mark:

Well, hopefully, Darren gives her some comfort. He doesn't again, doesn't have to be romantic. It could be friend wise comfort.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

But she obviously needs somebody to listen and validate her feelings because wow.

Sarah:

Is Nikki going to jail for car credit card fraud?

Mark:

Be. Yeah. She should. See Nikki again. So maybe she goes to jail.

Sarah:

Maybe she's like, now I'll use all my money. Get myself a lawyer. I just couldn't think of a way to use those millions. But now I can think of something.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Kim's gonna go off not being Frodo's girlfriend. Yes. And the other four are off to another bachelorette party. I guess. Another nameless bachelorette.

Sarah:

That is bride not to be.

Mark:

I I like that they didn't weigh into the Hamlet thing. I like that. It doesn't need to have Petey. Petey needs not be there. Peter.

Mark:

Purposeless Peter. I would say the entire tennis thing needs not to be there. And I would also say, there's no reason he's a stripper Because he leaves and comes back. He could just go over there because Zoe admitted to him what she said. Yeah.

Mark:

He's like, I'm gonna go over there and teach her a lesson.

Sarah:

Yeah. He could have known that Zoe was, that, Ophelia was in town without being the stripper for her bachelorette party. What would have been great is if in the middle of his dance, knowing that she was who she was and that he hated her, He, like, just choked her out in front of everybody in part of his dance.

Mark:

This is a weird stripper.

Sarah:

It's my special move. I'm gonna strangle her with my thighs.

Mark:

I don't wanna put anything in his belt. He's a weird stripper.

Sarah:

Yeah. Oh my god. That's the other four.

Mark:

I need tequila. The other four left because they were like, it's a middle egg stripper.

Sarah:

And creepy Marcus lives here, and he's prowling around. Yeah. And then there's purposeless Peter in the dark.

Mark:

Plus, there's a wolf.

Sarah:

A wolf? A wharf. Oh, a wharf. Wharf. It could be an e r f.

Mark:

Meaning E r f.

Sarah:

And then there's Roger. Mysterious Roger. Could be room. Why is Frodo not

Mark:

the stripper? Why is Frodo not the stripper? Because that would have been comedy gold. Or why isn't Nigel the stripper? Kahu.

Sarah:

Yes. Kahu could have been the stripper.

Mark:

I think this is the last time

Sarah:

People would pay to see Kahu strip.

Mark:

I think this

Sarah:

is the last time

Mark:

you see him.

Sarah:

Poor Sims. Just when she was playing tennis Yep. And chess. Yep. Well, that's pride not to be or to be or not to be.

Sarah:

Not to be.

Mark:

And then they they they touch on it, but they don't go into it. Nope. It it's good. It's good.

Sarah:

Alright. Until next time.

Mark:

Bye, Bobberts. Bye, maniacs. Say it.

Sarah:

I did. I said bye, Bob Ertz. No. Bye, maniacs.

Mark:

Bye, maniacs. Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, behind the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeks. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word.

Mark:

Bye, maniacs.

Sarah:

You're gonna edit out all my bombards.

Creators and Guests

Sarah Smith-Robbins
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs